Friday night I arrived in Saint George to visit my sister Kristen. We went to the local Walmart to see if we could spot a polygamist or two. We counted six of them, and tailed a group of three for a while. We noted their homespun cloth dresses, their sensible shoes, the unflattering hair buns and the large amount of junk food they bought.
Next we hit up Cafe Rio, the true hot spot in Saint George, where at last I was able to see a few teenage and twenty-something people. Previous visits to the city had led me to believe the Pied Piper had led them all away.
Neilson’s Custard, across the parking lot from Cafe Rio, provided dessert. Some sort of frozen custard or ice cream or yogart. Strange berry mix of blackberries and raspberries.
Then we went to the Cinema 10 to watch the film, The Interpreter. A thought-provoking, suspenseful, and overall well-produced movie. Warning, the opening scene is rather graphic and disturbing.
Saturday morning found us at the neighborhood pool. At 11:00 we took off for the Beorkman’s (sp?) for a trip over to Zion’s National Park. Kristen, Bro. Beorkman and I hiked the famed Angel’s Landing hike in 2 hours fifteen minutes roundtrip. Impressive, no?
That night Kristen and I headed down to Las Vegas. We parked at the MGM and walked over to the Excalibur for their $15.00 buffet (very good.) We watched a free robot comedian and then strolled down the strip, stopping at the M&M Factory, heading towards the light and water show at the Bellagio. Serendipity had us there only a minute or so before it started. We enjoyed the show, and then returned back to St. George for the evening.
after being made partner in her father’s law firm
when she is diagnosed with a terminal illness
by asking if her hot friend is available
Buy “Breaking Up - The Board Game”. Play it with her.
Just disappear.
Bring your new girlfriend by soon-to-be ex’s place.
“It’s not me; it’s you.”
Write a Top 10 list of reasons you’re about to break up.
JumboTron at an NBA game.
Skywriting.
Tell her you’ve wearied of trying to “Save A Whale”.
Write the break-up letter in code and give her the key.
If you’re too busy, tell her friend instead.
Ask, “will you marry me?” When she accepts say, “Well, I don’t want to marry you.”
Hire a singing telegram.
Cover her door with paper hearts with “I’m dumping you” written on each one.
Breakup by passivity: Consistently stand her up and act generally boorish until she finally leaves.
after s/he lends you a tons of money
when s/he is in the hospital
at the funeral of her mother
after you’ve opened their Christmas present
New years eve
at her birthday party
by writing “dirty whore” in weed killer on her lawn
over the school PA system
on the big screen display at a football game
sky writing
sending her a dozen head-less roses
at the alter
Making it the end prize of a treasure hunt
Internet greeting card service
While accepting a Nobel Prize
During Cozy 106.5FM evening dedications
By wearing a shirt that says, “I’m not with stupid
At the movie theater 20 minutes into the film.
During class.
In front of her family
In front of your family
In front of a stranger’s family
While she’s washing your knives
Right after they’ve sprung for a date (girls, this one’s for you)
During Sunday School
At Taco Bell (nothing good ever happens at Taco Bell)
After she’s fixed you a tasty meal
During the national anthem
During the ACT
While holding hands with her sister
caviar
escargot
fillet mignon
brie fromage
jello
orange punch
cassarole
sam’s club cookies
homemade brownies
Whatsitcasserole
Giant jars of pickles
Sugarless sugar cookies
raisin-carrot salad
Ezra Taft Beanson Dip
pigs in a blanket
Sprite with sherbet in it
That nasty orange drink from McDonald’s
hippies
democrats
ACLU
pro-choice’ers
blue man group
Iron Maiden
clowns
Tom Green (from Utah)
Tom Green (from Canada)
Richard Simmons
Andrew Dice Clay
BYU athletes
Beverly Hillbillies
Colorado City, AZ residents
porn stars
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Metallica (although they are taking the discussions)
cats
Greenpeace
Anyone named “Norman”
Steve Martin
Marmots
LDS people
Amish
FBI/CIA
JW
salesmen
RLDS
polygamists