after being made partner in her father’s law firm
when she is diagnosed with a terminal illness
by asking if her hot friend is available
Buy “Breaking Up - The Board Game”. Play it with her.
Just disappear.
Bring your new girlfriend by soon-to-be ex’s place.
“It’s not me; it’s you.”
Write a Top 10 list of reasons you’re about to break up.
JumboTron at an NBA game.
Skywriting.
Tell her you’ve wearied of trying to “Save A Whale”.
Write the break-up letter in code and give her the key.
If you’re too busy, tell her friend instead.
Ask, “will you marry me?” When she accepts say, “Well, I don’t want to marry you.”
Hire a singing telegram.
Cover her door with paper hearts with “I’m dumping you” written on each one.
Breakup by passivity: Consistently stand her up and act generally boorish until she finally leaves.
after s/he lends you a tons of money
when s/he is in the hospital
at the funeral of her mother
after you’ve opened their Christmas present
New years eve
at her birthday party
by writing “dirty whore” in weed killer on her lawn
over the school PA system
on the big screen display at a football game
sky writing
sending her a dozen head-less roses
at the alter
Making it the end prize of a treasure hunt
Internet greeting card service
While accepting a Nobel Prize
During Cozy 106.5FM evening dedications
By wearing a shirt that says, “I’m not with stupid
At the movie theater 20 minutes into the film.
During class.
In front of her family
In front of your family
In front of a stranger’s family
While she’s washing your knives
Right after they’ve sprung for a date (girls, this one’s for you)
During Sunday School
At Taco Bell (nothing good ever happens at Taco Bell)
After she’s fixed you a tasty meal
During the national anthem
During the ACT
While holding hands with her sister