For a first time book author, Sara Bader has really outdone herself with Strange Red Cow (published by Clarkson Potter, 2005). Sara sifted through the last two hundred some years of American newspaper classified ads and compiled a delightful collection of the more interesting entries. Among them:

$50 REWARD.–STOLEN, ON WEDNESDAY (17TH) evening, between 9 and 10 o’clock, a curiously deformed Hen, without a beak, and head shaped somewhat like a monkey; highly valued as a curiousity. The above reward will be paid by returning the hen to No. 234 William streey, N.Y. — May 19, 1865, New York Herald

X.Z. IF YOU MUST HAVE A REASON why I refuse you, understand, then, that I cannot marry a man who wears soiled linen, has foul teeth and breath, and uses tobacco and whisky. Faugh! GENERRA — November 16, 1862, New York Sunday Mercury

MAY MINNIE–FAREWELL, CRUEL GIRL! If not drafted, I will go as a substitute. Your scorn is harder and more pitiless to me than any southern bullet could possibly be. John No. 1. — August 3, 1862, New York, Sunday Mercury

ROSE–IT IS USELESS–YOU ARE TOO LOVELY TO be trifled with. I am married. BENEDICT. — August 27, 1867, New York Herald

To the LADIES. ANY young lady, between the Age of Eighteen and Twenty-three, of middling Stature ; brown hair ; regular Features, and with a lively brisk Eye ; of good morals, and not tinetur’d with any Thing that may fully so distingushable a Form ; possessed of 3 or 400 l, entirely at her own Disposal, and where there will be no necessity of going throu’ the tiresome Task of addressing Parents or Guardians for their consent ; such an one, by leaving a Line directed for A. W. at the British Coffee House in Kingstreet, appointing where an interview may be had, will meet a Person who flatters himself that he shall not be thought disagreeable by any lady answering the above Description. N. B. Profound Secrecy will be observ’d. No triffling Answers will be regarded. –February 26, 1759, Boston Evening-Post

I could continue, but you’d lose the benefit of reading the book yourself, now wouldn’t you?