Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

So, Adam got word that the Hare Krishnas (full name: Krishna Consciousness Society), which is a genuine Hindu sect with a temple in Spanish Fork, were throwing a shindig open to the public. The Krishnas have emerged from a shadowy past (as a Brainwashing Cult of Hippies who did a lot of Airport Begging) into the mainstream, so naturally, we were curious to see what they were up to. (Ironically, Adam didn’t come along.)

We arrived at said temple where we immediately noticed that I, dressed in western attire (shorts and a tee-shirt), stuck out. As luck would have it, the Kristnas operate a small gift shop and sell, besides incense and golden elephant idols, Indian clothes. Quickly, I picked out a smart looking blue Kurta and a pair of loose fitting, orange striped churidar pants. Having donned this disguisement, I melted into the crowd.

Or maybe not so much. Still, it was fun to wear orange pants.

I found out that our Spanish Fork brothers are just like Mormons; they “are prohibited from eating meat, gambling, intoxication and sex outside marriage.” Except that Mormons are allowed to eat meat. ’cause, hello!, meat tastes good. When’s the last time you’ve had the fillet mignon at Black Angus? Simply amazing.

Speaking of food, for six dollars we scored a vegetarian buffet fare of chopped lettuce, tofu, beans and peanuts. The Spartan meal was washed down by a cup of Kool-Aid and topped by a double helping of instant pudding. The pudding, by the way, was good.

And then the drum beating and chanting began. It’s easy to pick up, because the lyrics are simple^*, but after ten minutes, it gets a little old.

And then came the dancing lady. The dancing was beautiful and I enjoyed it a lot. In between costume changes, we were treated to something of a road show act consisting of a tacky, didactic, lip-synced Count Dracula story (with undertones of pedophilia). Fortunately, the dancing lady reappeared shortly and calmed our nerves with another fine performance.

And then came the cows. Three of them. Right up the elevator and into the main hall. Miniature cows with odd humps. The guy said that everyone who eats beef might likely be reincarnated as a cow for punishment. The cows were paraded around in the building and they peed all over the floor. Someone stepped in the pee. Can you guess who? We were encouraged to dip our hands into red paint and make hand prints on their hides. (Which I did). The cows, holy or not, smelled bad.

There was more. Candles, more chants. Dancing with sticks. You should have been there. Several hundred of you were. Perhaps you saw me in my orange pants. Pretty dapper wasn’t I?

Dancing Clip 1 & Dancing Clip 2

* The Chant
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare