Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

1. 1. It takes seven years to digest gum
2. 2. The Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure visible from space
3. 3. Humans use only 10 percent of their brains
4. 4. Water drains backwards in the Southern Hemisphere due to the Earth’s rotation
5. 5. A penny dropped from the top of a tall building could kill a pedestrian
6. 6. Lightning never strikes the same place twice
7. 7. A falling cat will always land on its feet
8. 8. Yawning is “contagious”
9. 9. There is no gravity in space

View the entire list at Live Science

Yesterday my friend Aaron emailed me to see how I was doing. (I’m fine, thanks.) Aaron is a Ph.D. candidate in the School of Economic Sciences at Washington State University. He will finish his natural resource economics doctorate sometime next year. He’ll probably want me to call him “doctor” at that point. I think he’s setting himself up for disappointment.

Aaron’s pursuit of his eminent, imminent degree is not collinear with recent national trends (like most things in his life, Aaron is an outlier). Yesterday the Salt Lake Tribune reported that “fewer people [in the US] are earning [college] degrees.” Earlier this month the Trib said that “increasing tuition rates and meager amounts of money available for student aid - combine to reduce access to higher education for many Utahns”, even if they wanted higher education and I’m think that a growing number of Americans are deciding against college, for a variety of reasons.

Why do I think fewer people are getting bachelor’s degrees? It’s a symptom of the crumbling paradigm of working 30 years at the same company, making 45k before retiring at age 65 to live on a meager pension while sipping tea and rocking on a porch swing. After watching MTV Cribs and seeing all the bling-bling, a 1300 square foot, cookie-cutter house in the suburbs seems horribly pedestrian by comparison. People are rejecting the status quo.

So, what does a bachelor’s degree get you? For many the answer seems to be a lot of useless classes, four years of no-salary, and a bucket load of student-loan debt at the end. I have a bachelors degree, and some of these widely held beliefs are correct. As an illustration, accreditation boards, for all the good they do, sometimes force unnecessary garbage into education. In the BYU engineering curriculum, for example, we had to learn about outdated technology in our networking communications class because that’s what the accreditation board required. Our professor freely admitted it was a waste of our time, but nothing could be done.

Others question the utility of, say, math classes for kindergarten teachers, or art history classes for computer programmers. You might believe such general education is good in theory, but a quick survey among your elementary educators will likely validate the assertion that pre-calculus and stats are never used in their job. ever.

So, if you’re fresh out of high school and are faced with a choice, which decision would you make: to be broke for four years with debt at the end, or to start making money now?

For many, this cost benefit analysis results in high education losing out. And though this is likely the better decision for the individual, at least in the short term, I think that having a college educated society is good for the masses as a whole. Societies function better with a higher educated populace. Some might say that college helps one become a good cog. Society, like any machine, needs cogs in order to function. The problem might be that people are starting to chafe at the prospect of becoming just another part in the machinery.

Even here in Utah, where the market is full of cheap labor, a high school educated computer nerd can earn 30-50 dollars an hour (or more) creating websites and web applications. I personally have four friends who do not have college degrees who make 6 figures, give or take, doing web programming.

So, what’s a college degree worth now-a-days^* in the business world?

Particularly among startup companies, experience is starting to be valued more than formal education (unless you happen to be Google. They like hiring PhDs). In fact, among many I know, formal education is out-right denigrated as “a lot of theory and no practical application”. Companies whose lifetimes are measures in months, see little incentive in training college grads to fill positions. They need people who can “hit the ground running” so to speak, and get the work done immediately.

And some argue that with the ubiquity and depth of the Internet, colleges are becoming a thing of the past. If you want to know something, you Google it. Why waste your time in a classroom if a university of learning is right at your fingertips? In partial response, I would argue that there are some things that I think are best taught in a college setting: communication skills, methodologies, theories and and critical thinking, to name a few. These are the integral yet less-sexy aptitudes that are often skipped by self/world educated people.

So, what do you think?

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* Some degrees make clear fiscal sense. For example, an MD and the residency might take a decade, but surgeons can make 350K+ a year, so, for many the payoff, though delayed, is worth it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Will Ferrell star in Sony Picture’s Stranger than Fiction. In a phrase, it’s a smart movie of smart people. Don’t be mislead, I’m not saying that Will or Maggie are Mensa candidates, but rather that their characters are smartly written and cleverly played.

Will plays Harold Crick, a dead-pan, detail-oriented, color-by-numbers, mathematically-inclined, everyday-is-planned-and-predictable-and-the-same IRS auditor who completely lacks zest and vitality and humor (at least intended humor). On the up side, Harold can multiply large digit numbers in his head, which proves useful to his co-workers. Harold is obsessive compulsive with numbers; he counts his toothbrush strokes and his steps and ceiling tiles. He hasn’t taken a day of vacation in three years. He lives in a sterile apartment and lives a life devoid of close relationships or warmth or change. He is, however, successful and confident in his auditing sphere where he holds somewhat of a senior-level position.

One day, in the midst of his well regulated existence, Harold, while brushing his teeth, suddenly starts to hear a female voice narrating his life. In his quest to discover the origin of that voice, Harold makes friends, discovers much about his true self and begins to break out of his previous chains. It’s 113 minutes, but time well spent. I heartily recommend this film, particularly if you like smart humor.

Michael Richards (Kramer on Seinfeld) was doing a comedic stand up act in a night club (the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles) when two black men in the audience (Frank McBride and Kyle Doss) began to heckle him. Richards’ stopped his act and let out a stream of racially charged fury. Said Richards in part, “Throw his [expletive] out. He’s a [n-word]. He’s a [n-word]. He’s a [n-word]. A [n-word]! Look there’s a [n-word]. oooh! ooh!” Many in the crowd responded with their own racially laced swearing and someone screamed out, “It’s not funny. That’s why you’re a reject. Never had no shows, never had no movies. ‘Seinfeld’ — that’s it.” Richards unsuccessfully tried to regain composure and control over the audience, but moments later, he walked off the stage.

Shortly after the incident, Richards appeared on the Tonight Show with David Letterman and said, “I lost my temper on stage. I was at a comedy club trying to do my act, and I got heckled, and I took it badly, and went into a rage and said some pretty nasty things to some Afro-Americans, a lot of trash talk.”

The Reverand Al Sharpton, possibly one of the dumbest people to ever have lived, said of the incident, “I cannot accept his apology. He called me yesterday to say sorry, but it’s not my place to accept that on behalf of all blacks. I can forgive, but I’m not the victim here. What he said hurt a lot of people.”

Frank and Kyle went on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 and demanded a personal apology and possibly some money from Richards.

I’m confused here. Were Michael Richards’ comments incredibly inappropriate, outrageous and offensive? Yes, without argument. All the same, I’m uncertain why money has entered into the equation. Can someone enlighten me? And if Frank and Kyle do deserve money, just how much is owed to them? Let’s discuss.

On Thursday, I talked about nerds pretending they were sports buffs. In that post, I predicted a BYU win over the U during today’s match. If you watched the game, you know the outcome already. If not, you’ll be interested in knowing that with three seconds to go, BYU’s quarterback John Beck passes it into the end zone for a touchdown. Final score 33-31. BYU WINS!

All those who were unwise enough to wager against me, be sure to bring in your bets on Monday. Will you never learn?!?

Paul Allen, an eccentric technophile formerly of Utah County’s myfamily.com, predicted in a recent blog that BYU’s football team is “going to run the table.”

On the other hand, Devin Thorpe, a nerdy blogger from Salt Lake City’s Thorpe Capital Group, believes that “his”^* team, the University of Utah, even with their poor season, is more than a match for BYU. Devin myopically predicts a Ute victory.

Full Disclosure: I’ve got a BS from BYU and will shortly have an MBA from the U. I’m good friends with the owners of UteFans.net, oh, and I live in Salt Lake.

So, since non-athletic people are prognosticating about sporting events, (and at the risk of alienating my base) I’ll throw my hat into the ring with this prediction: The BYU Cougars will win this Saturday. Yeah, I know that’s heretical around these parts. Still, the truth will set you free, right?

Oh, and Happy Turkey Day everyone! Is the tryptophan kicking in yet?

* How is it that spectators self identify with sporting teams to the extent that they use the pronoun “we” when referring to a team’s victory? “Yeah! We WON!” We, as in YOU, didn’t do anything.

The following conversation occurred last week:

• [co-worker Ron^* (very serious)]: (to me): Are you going to fire me today?
• [me (laughing)]: Hmm. I hadn’t planned on it, still, I’d consider it if you ticked me off, or if I was annoyed at something else and needed a quick pick-me-up, …
• [Ron (still serious)]: ‘Cause I had a dream last night that you fired me.
• [me (weirded out)]: You had a dream about me? That’s strange.

And then I come to find out that a lot of my co-workers have had dreams about me lately, including: Holli, Rob, Brady, Jill and Bo. I’m OK with the ladies dreaming about me, that *totally* makes sense, but dudes? No thanks.

* names have been changed

I had a chance to chat with our homeless friend Michael again today. Here are my notes of that conversation:

So I’ve heard you found an apartment?

That’s true, I’m officially no longer homeless. I moved in last night.

How would you describe your homeless experience?

It was, as I expected, exciting for the first week or so. Each night was an adventure because I didn’t know where I’d be sleeping. As the days became weeks, however, it began to lose it’s appeal. I was “sans-abri” for 22 days. That’s a long time.

What’s the biggest thing you learned from your experience?

Dirty laundry in a garbage bag in a car is a bad thing, a very bad thing. I nearly passed out on one occasion from the pungent smell. There’s a reason why laundry bags have holes in them. You need airflow!

Anything else?

Yeah, I had thought that I would be saving some major cash. Turns out, that was quite wrong. It’s expensive to live on the streets. Dinner at 7-11 can cost fifteen, twenty dollars if you don’t want one of those greasy, tough hot dogs that have been spinning on the metal rollers for days.

Where did you end up sleeping?

Friends and family mostly, though I did hit up hotels for three nights.

Ever sleep in your car?

No, though I was tempted. I disliked having to inconvenience people by asking them if I could spend the night.

Any defining moments during your experience?

About ten days into this thing, on one particular day, two of my friends at different times both told me that I had crossed the line from unique into eccentric. I didn’t know what to think about that. It made me remember the famous line by Salvador Dali, “The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.” Think about that for a moment.

Other thoughts in retrospect?

Yeah, if it had been warm out, I could have slept in a sleeping bag under the stars, but with the frigid temperatures, that really wasn’t an option.

Tell us about your new place

The apartment complex is really nice actually. I have two cool roommates, one who speaks French. They’re both into World of Warcraft, which means they have no lives. I paid a little more to get the master bedroom, oh and I have my own bathroom. It’s a sweet deal.

Now that your life is a bit more stable, what are you going to do?

It is more stable and that’s refreshing. The first thing on my list is go back to the gym. It’s been a while. I’ve got to get back into shape now that soccer season is over.

Parting words for our readers?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to thank you for having me on your site. I’m a loyal fan. I love the blog, the games, the videos. Thanks also to my friends and family for putting me up; you guys rock!

Back when I went to school for my undergrad, my brother Chris was a BYU security guard. I remember him telling me that one of the old cops who ran that security joint had mandated that all student security guards be Maced before being permitted to carry Mace/Pepper Spray. No doubt it provided hilarity in that rent-a-cop’s dreary life. I thought that was incredibly stupid back then and I still do today.

Here in Utah (and elsewhere I hear), where the crime is low, cops are constantly thinking of ways to amuse themselves. Before the tide of letters accusing me of hating the Po-Po, let me say that police officers are brave men and women who place themselves in harm’s way in order to protect us all. I very much respect that. Good people sometimes do retarded things, however. Spraying yourself with Mace is stupid.

This morning during my commute, I was flipping between 90.1 KUER (NPR) and 97.1 KZHT (morning show with high school dropouts) when I heard “danger boy” on 97.1 mention that a local law enforcement officer was coming over to Tase him (as in, shoot him with a Taser^*).

All this interest in Tasers is apparently stemming from a recent incident at UCLA where bored university police repeatedly tasered a handcuffed Iranian-American student who was slow in showing his ID. Mostafa Tabatabainejad, a 23-year old senior, was Tased at least five times after being thrown out of the computer lab. They’re pretty serious about their computer lab policies down there.

Here in Utah, at least a few of the departments think it’s a great idea for police officers to be Tased before being allowed to carry a Taser. I wonder why the same brilliant theory isn’t applied to pistols, shotguns, night sticks and police dogs?

But anyway, did you know it’s incredibly simple to become a Utah policeman? It is! It takes just 15 weeks of classes and training and WHAMMO! you’ve got a badge! My other brother, David, and I are thinking about becoming part of the force.

* That reminds me — one of the sales guys here at work, a giant of a man I once boxed (if by “boxed” I mean, he severely beat me up), admitted to being Tased by cops four times during a drunken rage. That’s impressive.

With all this talk recently of stolen paintings, I got to musing about similar activities. No, No, I didn’t take off with the Goya, though I am an appreciator of fine art. What I’m talking about is how to rob an armored car as an intellectual exercise, a puzzle if you will.

Wait! is it illegal to chat about robbing an armored car in the abstract?^* I’m not sure. Perhaps we’ll curtail our conversation somewhat. If we could talk about such topics without threat of legal action we might have a little contest about planning just such an event.

Here would be the rules:

• No injuring or killing people. If you plan on using some sort of knock-out gas/pill/injection, be sure you have a doctor on your “staff.”
• No spending more money than what an armored car can reasonably be expected to carry (for our sake, we’ll limit it to $300,000.)
• No using more than 5 accomplices. (It should be hard enough to find just five people and convince them to commit a felony with you.)
• Weapons are ok, but only legal or homemade weapons. You cannot, for example, use nuclear weapons, military-grade armaments or explosives (that is, no M60s, grenades or C4 plastic explosive.) Semiautomatic AR-15s, AK-47s, pipe-bombs, smoke-bombs, etc. are ok.
• Your plan cannot result in anyone being caught.
• No fair copying the Italian Job, or Groundhog Day

Plans would be judged by elegance, speed, level of difficulty, practicality/plausibility, ROI(return on investment), setup and execution time.

Potentially Useful Links:

• Armored Trucks.com
• Jaws of Life
• Used Armored Vehicles
• Armored Solutions

* My legal counsel advises me that any applicable statute would require intent and because this blog states that this is PURELY HYPOTHETICAL, there shouldn’t be any possible provisions that might be stretched to apply to me. Still, I’m keeping it pretty detail-free, just to be safe.

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