Way back in October, I promised I’d talk about MLMs. True to my word, I’ve blogged about the devil’s vomitus: Quixtar and Utah’s pride and joy: TeamBuilders. I even managed to offend some of Lennon Ledbetter’s swinish multitude. Since those fun times, I’ve come across a number of individuals (one) who insist that MLMs are legitimate enterprises. Those people (Roberto) are dreadfully wrong of course, and I’ll tell you why.

But before I launch into a carefully crafted exposition, I should note that my last blog entry generated 15 comments as of this posting. That’s a record. Given the belligerent (bellicose?) tone of some of the recent comments, a lesser man might be tempted to avoid controversial topics and blog on banal news events. Not I! Particularly not in the face of an estimated semi-regular blog readership of upwards of three people! I can’t let them all down. I will stay the course!

Ok, where was I? MLMs. Let me define an MLM for the uninitiated. MLMs involve hard-selling a consumable (exotic, foul tasting beverages, cheap lotions, Brazilian dark chocolate, etc.) through a network of your “friends.” Those people become your downline. They’ll need not only to drink, lather and eat the product, but they’ll need to be “connectors” themselves; gathering their own friends. Those friends of your friends also are part of your downline. Downlines are important because you get a percentage of what they buy. The higher up the pyramid you are, the greater downline you have and the more money you get off other people’s consumption. The goal of all MLMers is to get such a massive downline that they no longer have to work for themselves. It’s a classic get-rich-quick scheme and it’s guaranteed to take your money while losing your friends. Sign me up!

The problems with MLM are numerous. First of all — it doesn’t scale (nor is it meant to, though it is advertised that way.) Let me explain. MLMers will tell you how rich everyone is becoming, but that’s not at all true. Your only chance of becoming rich is to amass a huge downline (lots of “legs”, etc, etc.) And, in case you didn’t know, not everyone can have a huge downline (because people have to be in that downline!) Most of the research I’ve come across, for example, reports the average Quixtar monthly earnings at about $100. That would be great were the monthly Quixtar membership fees not also $100. That means an awful lot of people are wasting a lot of time, buying crappy products, all the while netting *nothing*. MLMs, like other scams, only really work if they are constantly growing. I’m reminded of a old scam wherein you send in $300 dollars for a “membership” and in three weeks you get $600 back. The idea is that if people are constantly joining up, and there is a three week delay in getting money, you can use new memberships to pay the previous people. What a great idea!

The second problem is the highly touted MLM promise of not having to do any work. “Join Quixtar/Teambuilders/Noni/Xango and in three to five years you won’t have to work ever again!” What a great idea! No work! No work! lah, lah, lah, lah, laaaah, lah! Let’s all go to France. No one works there! Look how happy and productive the French are!

Sarcasm aside, I think it highly toxic (both to the society and to the individual) to promote an entitlement complex such as “I deserve to be rich” and “I shouldn’t have to work.” In case you’ve forgotten, we need teachers, laborers, and mechanics in order for society to function. People need to work.

To be sure, MLMs reap great benefits for the “early adopters.” Utah Teambuilder’s captain, Lennon Ledbetter, bought a 7 million dollar house in cash not long ago. That’s a lot of money. However, Lennon is profiting without adding anything back to society. A fundamental tenet of capitalism is to add value and Teambuilders does not add value. MLMs rake in benefits for the elite top few all the while ravishing the underlings.

Don’t be part of MLMs! Save your friends and years of your life! Decide now to JUST SAY NO!