In January I wrote about my New Year’s Resolution of Getting Bigger. In February I reported my noticeable weight gaining and strength progress.

Just last week, feeling confident in my larger stature, I wrestled the founder of my company, a largish man we’ll call “Matt”, in the office lobby. Not only did I take Matt down with ease, but he was heard coughing and wheezing for upwards of an hour afterwards.

Yesterday at Gold’s Gym I weighed myself, as has become my habit after working out. I was happily surprised to see that I, at last, broke the 200 lb barrier.

That got me thinking. Though I hope that much of my weight gain has been muscle, surely some of it has been fat. What advantages will I have, now that I have more fat?

Advantages of Being Fat

  • 10. The gigantic portions served at most restaurants are no longer a problem
  • 9. The phrase “throw my weight around” starts to mean something
  • 8. Chicks dig double chins
  • 7. Sumo wrestlers are considered near-royalty in Japan
  • 6. Claim disability like when Homer Simpson got really fat
  • 5. Rationalize buying a large gas-guzzling, polluting SUV because you no longer fit in a Prius
  • 4. Win more seesaw and tug-of-war competitions
  • 3. Survive famines
  • 2. Save time and money by not dieting and exercising
  • 1. Punch to the gut? No problem!