Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Not content with the every-four-years Olympics, Utah hosts its own annual summer games down in Cedar City, UT every June. Obviously, as an aspiring athlete, I drove down south this weekend to represent us city-dwellers at the games. My chosen event? Arm wrestling. Now, I’m clearly not the strongest man in Utah, but having beaten a number of my co-workers at arm wrestling, I was confident that I’d have a good showing. As I was to find out, beating nerds in a physical match is akin to being a one-eyed king in the land of the blind. There is a brobdingnagian difference in the level of competition between a Mountain Dew swilling programmer and a hay-bailing farmer.

I should have seen the train barreling down the tracks when I went up against a man whose name was, I kid you not, Gurr. Gurr didn’t just beat me, he slammed my hand down on the table so hard I nearly saw stars. Then he reached over and patted me on my shoulder and said with a grin, “thanks for playing.”

Now normally the system is double elimination, and my two quick losses to red meat-and-potatoes cowboys ought to have shelved me, but the organizer thought it amusing to insert me back in to the mix FOUR MORE TIMES for comic relief. Two of those were in left-handed competitions. (If my right arm was anemic in comparison to those who schooled me, my left arm is near non-existent.) Having resigned myself to a losing fate, in my last beating, I decided to lean back and take my feet off the ground, forcing the other guy to curl my 200lbs. This he did with surprising facility and to the great amusement of the crowd, which consisted entirely of big-armed country folk and their lady admirers.

I’m glad I could provide entertainment to that motley crew and I will say this, though they were unforgivingly ferocious in the event, they were an affable bunch with good spirited laughing and cheering throughout the rounds. I’m not a drinking man, but if I were, I’d share a drink with these guys any day.

Yes, I have video of each humilating loss. Yes, I will post those for your entertainment. You’d do the same for me, right?