winningfriends.jpgI’m reminded of a social amusement occasionally played by those in certain circles. A goal of initial social interactions, according to the eminent social scholar Dale Carnegie, is to get the other person to talk about him/herself. The obvious problem, however, is that when both sides pursue this same goal, a stalemate results (each person answering the other’s questions with new questions of their own.) It can be a tiring exercise.

There is another way. It’s possible to derail the other person’s attempt at a Carnegian Victory by refusing to provide an adequate foothold upon which they can ask followup questions. Allow me to illustrate:

YOU: [asking a number of engaging questions]
THEM: [responding]
THEM: [attempting to reverse the focus of the conversation to YOU]: “And so what do you do?”
YOU: “Not much, really. I watch a lot of TV.”
THEM: “Oh?”
YOU: “Yup.”
THEM: “Which television programs do you prefer?”
YOU: “Nothing in particular, anything really.”
THEM: “And do you have many hobbies?”
YOU: “Well, I watch a lot of TV.”
THEM: “Oh.” [at a loss for words]
YOU: “So tell me more about _______. I’ve always felt that ________. What’s your perspective?”
THEM [relieved]: “Well, I really find that…”
YOU: [WINNER!]