Mon 30 Jul 2007
On the way to Seattle, while wading through the security checkpoint line at the airport, I spoke with a fellow traveler, who happened to be a Catholic priest, and asked him if he thought people were inherently good or inherently bad. He paused for a moment before replying that he believed people were more-or-less good but endowed with bad tendencies arising from the “original sin.” That the question is legitimately posed at all is a sign of the times we live in. Certainly there is much evidence to contribute to a cynical, depressing outlook on life: inhumanity to man reigns, people care more and more about themselves and less and less about everything else, and greed and pride govern many of our actions.
Even traditional bastions of stability like the family are no longer sacrosanct. Indeed, it is increasingly rare, in my experience, to find a happily married couple. Statistics argue that I’m not being overly pessimistic either: marriages are lasting shorter and shorter and perceived happiness among spouses falls nearly every year. My friend “Elizabeth” has even forsworn serious relationships altogether because she can’t identify a single positive example of martial bliss among her friends. She is obviously disillusioned, but she is not alone.
On Friday, I had dinner with two old friends, D & R, and I experienced something I hadn’t seen in a while: down-to-earth, solidly good people. They have three beautiful children and have been married for seven years. From my perspective, D & R are each quite unique, yet their differences complement each other in surprising ways. As we talked, I could see something of their genuine kindness, happiness and confidence that only comes from hard work, compassion and maturity. In short, they inspired me with renewed faith in humanity.
So the world may be heading somewhere in a handbag, but that doesn’t prevent people like D & R from setting a good example for the rest of us.
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 am
“she can’t identify a single positive example of martial bliss among her friends”
That is definitely not something that comes for your average person. Martial bliss has to be sought out, these days, because martial arts are no longer as popular. The “Karate Kid” movie series might have helped out in the America of the 80s. The martial arts movies of today are too Hollywood-ized and therefore seem unnatainable by your average person.
I can recall only one friend, in fact, that is a black belt, in Kyokunshin Oyama Karate. I even took classes in that form of Karate. It was fun, and really challenging.
I’ve been (happily) married for 8 years now. It’s challenging. You must be committed to your relationship when times get tough. You must swallow pride, subside it (but you still need to have a healthy level of pride and self esteem). You must be able to “be there” for the your spouse when s/he really needs it, really care.
Kids make some things way more challenging, but they also bring an incredible source of joy, a renewed and different outlook on life, and an appreciation for the small and innocent things in life.
I highly recommend finding a good partner and marrying.
August 5th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Heh. I didn’t notice the typo. I must say that I have had both martial and marital bliss, neither at the expense of the other. And I’ve never two-timed my martial partner; it’s been aikido straight down the line.
But more seriously, forswearing marriage because you don’t see positive examples of marriage among your limited pool of connections is like saying you won’t take a full-time job because inevitably you’ll get laid off or quit (because how many people do we know in that situation?). To the extent, perhaps, where you ignore the fact that the real reasons are that you enjoy doing contract work for competing companies, having more freedom in your hours, or sending out your resume whenever a new company seems more interesting. Quitting a job isn’t contagious, and neither is a divorce.
August 5th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
</weird metaphor>
August 5th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
marriage as karate. marriage as disease. I once heard a nerdy guy say, “Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.” Another friend once told me, “Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.”