Let’s review the RDBN Halloween posts, shall we? (Are you proud of me for staying on topic so long? The last time this happened was the beloved Bot Week.) So far we have:
Dracula is based on Vlad the Impaler (1431 - 1476)
Vampires dislike mirrors and silver
Excommunicated people, unbaptized children, criminals, babies born with teeth, witches, magicians, and the seventh son of a seventh son can all become vampires
The movie Van Helsin pulls its namesake from Professor Abraham Van Helsin, a character in Bram Stoker’s novel
Transylvania is a real place in Romania
The first jack-o-lanterns were carved out of turnips
This one for the nerds: Oct. 31 equals Dec. 25 (in Hex!)
as thought up by me. Maybe you’re putting up Halloween decorations? Maybe you’re designing a haunted house? Maybe you’re making a scary sounds CD or a spooky movie? These lists could be just what you’re looking for!
scary sounds: doors creaking, women shrieking, something heavy being dragged on the floor, footsteps on old wooden floor, scratching, clawing, scraping, water dropping on a stone floor, chainsaw reeving, moaning, weeping, bat wings flapping, wolf howling, mechanized crazy man’s voice, heartbeat, whistling wind, oscillating sounds (60-120hz), wind chimes, thunderclap, howling, low rumbling, muted children screams, clanking, cat screech, loud static, jacob’s ladder electric spark, screaming, blood curdling yell, owl hooting, glass breaking, windblown door or shutter or door clapping against frame, crazy whispering
scary environments: cold, dark, shadowy, alone, trapped, cornered, injured, defenseless, disoriented, powerless, old, abandoned house, former insane asylum, broken-down warehouse, graveyard, crypts, basement, being wet or shivering
This year my day-job company encouraged employees to come to work in costume. Now, there are costumes and then there are super-costumes. I’m all about the latter. For the past five years I’ve been collecting pieces of Roman armor (What? you have a better hobby?) They’re great for “armor of god” lessons in church. Finally, this past week, I obtained the remaining parts to my Roman soldier super-costume and I wore it to work on Friday. Some thoughts on the experience:
When Mormons asked who I was, I told them Captain Moroni. Otherwise, I said Julius Caesar.
I managed to get the costume on all by myself (quite the effort in the parking lot.) I worked all day long dressed like this. It felt anachronistic to be debugging database problems when I should have been fighting Goths and Vandals or beating down a peasant insurrection.
Tunics are like mini-skirts– they don’t leave much to the imagination, particularly when you sit down. Fortunately I wore a pair of red shorts to preserve a bit of dignity and modesty.
Authentic Roman leather sandals look cool, but the raw leather quickly began to scrape skin off from my feet, causing considerable pain. Maybe socks with sandals isn’t such a bad idea after all?!?
Very Noisy. This might be obvious, what with the metal and all, but it came as a surprise to me. The armor makes a lot of noise clanking and rattling around. There were no sneak attacks for the Romans. If ever you hear a story that goes, “and then this Roman soldier snuck up behind me,” don’t believe it.
The armor is heavy. Extremely heavy. As the day wore on, my shoulders began to ache and I began to slump forward under the pressure. Also, the collar of the segmented plates chaffed and bruised my neck by the end of the day. No wonder Roman soldiers were so barbarous– all that chaffing!
The sandal treads are many small rivet heads which probably work great on dirt but provide the same traction as 100 greased air hockey pucks when on office tile.
People kept asking if I was a Spartan. No. Spartans are from Sparta. Sparta is a city in Greece. Spartans are Greek, not Roman. You’all have been watching too much 300. Gosh.
Armor is hard to put on by yourself. I needed the Roman equivalent of a squire or page. It’s even hard to tie your sandals in full armor. It’s even more difficult when you have on the metal shin guards (not pictured.) Again, a squire would have been nice.
Conversation with my mom
me: [showing her the super-costume]
mom:”You look just like those bad soldiers who were mean to Jesus in the church movies.”
me: “Well Mom, to be accurate, the Jews were the ones who delivered Jesus to the Romans…”
Perhaps you’ve wondered what tomfoolery goes on inside office buildings after hours? In what riotous buffoonery do those cube-dwellers engage? What manner of insanity occurs post-COB hours? Five words for you: It is the Monster Mash! And part of that mashing is the decor. No self-respecting company would NOT decorate their offices. That’s where the gingerbread comes into play. Sure, you’ve built gingerbread houses in late December, but have you tried them in October? I’ve been freeing gingerbread from the chains of a solitary holiday for years now, but I think the picture gallery below will talk for itself.
I’m getting a lot of email this week from female RBDN regulars asking for Halloween costume advice. These women have tired of the overwhelming variety of girl costumes available online and in stores including: Sexy Pirate, Sexy School Girl, Sassy Sailor, Cutie Conductor, Sexy Mobster Girl, Sexy Football player, Sexy Vampire, Sexy Navy Girl, Sexy Baseball player, Sexy Pilot, Oriental Delight, French Maid, Sexy Kansas Girl , Sexy French Princess, Sexy Witch, Naughty Nurse, Sinful Nun, and Sexy NASCAR driver.
If your goal to to look like a prostitute, you have lots of options! Strangely enough, many women seem to be looking for something a bit different. Wanting to help my readers, I put on the old thinking cap and have come up with a list of novel costume ideas for you’all. Not all are winners, but I think you’ll find some outside-the-box thinking. I’ve borrowed some good ideas from friends as well. Some costume ideas are for guys, too. Enjoy!
Wacky
You could paint a box to look like a bedside table and glue a mug on top and a small lamp and maybe a pair of eyeglasses. Then cut a hole for your head, arms and body. When people ask what you say you’re a “one night stand.”
Some metal tubing and a trip to Walmart and tah dah! you’re the Karate Kid shower
A large clock hangs around your neck and some painted cardboard in the shape of a giant hammer and it’s hammer time
Circular cardboard with a handle, and two large simulated eggs equals: your brain on drugs
A wild-eyed woman with a NASA shirt in diapers is a crazy astronaut
Any fast food shirt with a cap and you can go as an English major
A large zipper down the front with a “My Name is: Jack” sticker and voila: jack the zipper
Utah Specific/Mormon Reference
Gather up a few girl friends and a guy and you could all go as a polygamist family. The women wear plain looking dresses and put their hair up under a handkerchief. No makeup allowed!
Carry a large sign that says “God hates Sinners” and talk in a very loud voice and you’re a General Conference Protester
Dress up like the number one and carry a saxophone or a guitar. If people ask what you are, tell them you’re a musical number.
Formal
Ladies Only! A little black dress and a sleek silver briefcase with a million dollar sign and you can be a Deal or No Deal game show Lady (also works as a group theme)
Political
A noose and a “My Name is: Chad” sticker: hanging chad
A pillow under your shirt and a “My Name is: Chad” sticker: pregnant chad
A surrender sign, a beret, metro-sexual clothing and a strong accent makes you a French Man
The hours and days immediately following a catastrophe such as a hurricane or a terrorist attack are the most perilous. Critical services like electricity and gas can be disabled. Food and water and shelter can be scarce. It’s during these times that many panic and people suffer the most. Careful planning for such events can mitigate their harm and allow one to focus on alleviating the discomfort of others. An old standby of emergency preparedness is the 72 hour kit. Do you have one? (see poll below) If not, now is the time to make or buy one. Here is a summary of what a good kit should contain:
Personal 72 hour kit Contents (contents all fitting in an easy-to-carry duffel bag or a backpack)
Food and Water (A three day supply of food and water, per person, when no refrigeration or cooking is available)
Granola Bars, Trail Mix/Dried Fruit, Canned Food (plus non-electric can opener), Water (1-2 Gallons Per Person)
Bedding and Clothing
Change of Clothing, Rain Coat/Poncho
Blankets
Fuel and Light
Flashlight + batteries (Don’t forget the batteries!)
Candles, Lighter, Water-Proof Matches
Equipment
Can Opener
Dishes/Utensils
Shovel
Radio (with batteries!)
Pen and Paper
Pocket Knife
Rope
Personal Supplies and Medication
First Aid Supplies (with OTC meds like Asprin)
Toilet paper
Soap
Prescription Medication (for 3 days)
Personal Documents and Money (in a water-proof container)
Copies of Legal Documents (Birth/Marriage Certificates, Wills, Passports, Contracts, etc)
On Sunday, Charlotte gave me a ride up Big Cottonwood Canyon to take pictures. Some of them turned out okay, though the daylight diminished faster than I had anticipated. Enjoy!
If you’re not from Utah you’re probably not aware of the cat fight that is occurring here between overzealous NASMs, that is, Nearly-Affluent, Stay-at-home Moms (and a few Dads, too.) I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me explain the American educational system. You see, for a long time there were two types of kids, the regular kids and the rich kids. Regular kids go to public schools where they get beaten up, experiment with drugs and, if they’re lucky, learn stuff. Rich kids (or, rather the children of rich parents), go to stuffy-sounding “prep” schools with names like The Waterford or the Milton Academy. Everybody at these schools is good looking, wears plaid uniforms and gets to go to Ivy League colleges. That’s how it’s always been.
That is, until now. Now there emerges the almost-rich kid. These are children of nearly-affluent, upper-middle class families who drive SUVs, own timeshares on houseboats and over-decorate their houses with detritus found at Thanksgiving Point shops. These families, attempting to keep up with the rich Joneses, are also in a lot of debt. Consequently, these families are becoming increasingly raving-mad they can’t enjoy all the privileges rich families enjoy. Topping the list of coveted items is private school education. There is something about the prospect of kids learning science from someone who graduated in a science-related field that fills the hearts of NASMs with hopeful rage. Enough rage that swarms of them have gathered with their proposal of vouchers.
Basically a voucher is a coupon good toward 3k off a private school education if you pull your kid from public education. Now you can get the expensive education without paying as much for it!!! Television ads are currently running which feature an annoyingly happy couple explaining the economics of vouchers with stacks of Oreo cookies. That’s all rather ironic, given the credit-card induced economic depression these NASMs are in. (You don’t see rich moms picketing for vouchers…) NASMs have even begun quoting scripture from the Book of Mormon to support their cause (esp. 3 nephi 6:12.) Seriously people.
Considerations:
1- Depending on teachers for better education is short-sighted. In college many classes are taught by grad students anyway. It’s better if you learn to learn on your own (in spite of bad teachers.)
2- Pulling students from public schools and subsidizing their entry into private schools is bad because it hurts public schools. We need to improve public schools, and that doesn’t happen by pulling the smart students or the parents who care from the schools.
3- Quoting scripture to support your cause-de-jour is dumb and offensive. Knock it off. Shakespeare, in the Merchant of Venice, reminds us that “The devil can quote scripture for his purpose.”
4- Trying to save money while sending your kids to private school is misguided. If you’re already stretched thin, the cost of the requisite Porsche and cocaine alone will bankrupt you!
Let’s review the RDBN Halloween posts, shall we? (Are you proud of me for staying on topic so long? The last time this happened was the beloved Bot Week.) So far we have:
as thought up by me. Maybe you’re putting up Halloween decorations? Maybe you’re designing a haunted house? Maybe you’re making a scary sounds CD or a spooky movie? These lists could be just what you’re looking for!
Dracula
I’m getting a lot of email this week from female RBDN regulars asking for 
If your goal to to look like a prostitute, you have lots of options! Strangely enough, many women seem to be looking for something a bit different. Wanting to help my readers, I put on the old thinking cap and have come up with a list of novel costume ideas for you’all. Not all are winners, but I think you’ll find some outside-the-box thinking. I’ve borrowed some good ideas from friends as well. Some costume ideas are for guys, too. Enjoy!
Loading ...
Basically a voucher is a coupon good toward 3k off a private school education if you pull your kid from public education. Now you can get the expensive education without paying as much for it!!! Television ads are currently running which feature an annoyingly happy couple explaining the economics of vouchers with stacks of Oreo cookies. That’s all rather ironic, given the credit-card induced economic depression these NASMs are in. (You don’t see rich moms picketing for vouchers…) NASMs have even begun quoting scripture from the Book of Mormon to support their cause (esp. 3 nephi 6:12.) Seriously people.