• morton_salt.jpgIron/Ironing Board– heavy, pointed, filled with boiling water, irons feature a burning hot surface, and are perched atop a rickety stand with thin metal legs. Add electricity and a toddler-accessible cord, and you’re ready for disaster. To boot, says comedian Brian Regan, “every iron board I’ve ever opened sounds like a witch being boiled in oil.”
  • Internal combustion powered vehicle– just like electric vehicles, except gas cars deplete natural resources, contribute to air pollution, require constant maintenance, and rely on foreign oil (which costs are ever mounting.)
  • Trick or treating– teach your kids to accept food from strangers. Also, dress your daughters like working girls.
  • US measuring system– With no consistent relationship between increasing units, a complex conversion to the metric system, and adopted by only a handful of countries, it’s hard to see why everyone doesn’t use feet and inches.
  • QWERTY keyboard– here’s an idea, let’s scramble the keys to confuse typists and induce carpal tunnel!
  • Airplane intercom system– require a system to sound like a staticy CB radio, even though the pilot is only 30 feet in front of you? We have just what you need.
  • Side-view automobile mirrors (where objects appear farther than they actually are)– who wants accurate representation when traveling at 75MPH?
  • Shuffle skirt– who prefers walking unimpeded? Slow locomotion to a jerky gait with these starch-stiff, jean, ankle-length skirts with no kick slits. They make a great gifts for the fast women in your life.
  • Salt canister opening– each top sports a screeching, razor-sharp metal lid eager to slice a finger so salt can pour into your wound. (thx Brian Regan)