Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Have I reminded you how much I like my Canon PowerShot SD800 IS? Well, it’s quite the handy thing to have around when a photo op presents itself. This last month, I’ve whipped the camera out of my coat pocket at least a hundred times to document something I found amusing. Some of those pictures can be seen by clicking the photo below. Enjoy!

Are you familiar with the classic poem, “This Is Just To Say,” by William Carlos Williams? It goes a something like this:

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

I first read it in 11th grade English class and I thought back then that it was a pretty silly poem. However, it’s also a fun poem to try to copy stylistically and that’s exactly the context of the book “This is Just to Say: Poems of Apology and Forgiveness“, by Joyce Sidman — a sixth grade class wrote poems of apology WC Williams-esque. I think the book is clever and it’s the perfect book to read aloud in small gatherings of friends. Well, gatherings of friends which include people who appreciate poetry, anyway. I hope Joyce will forgive me for including one of the poems here: To Mrs. Garcia, in the Office:

This Is Just to Say
I have stolen
the jelly doughnuts
that were in the teachers’ lounge

and which you were probably
saving
for teachers

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so gloppy

too bad the powdered sugar
spilled all over my shirt
and gave me away

by Thomas

Unlike at their European locations, the Catholic church seems alive and well here in Salt Lake City– The Cathedral of the Madeleine was filled to capacity this Easter morning. We found our seats near the front and sat down to watch. The building has violet, teal, olive yellow and burned orange vaulted ceilings and is ringed with tall columns which spider into the domes. Multicolored light streams in through biblical depictions in the high stained glass windows. Partially obscured behind a wooden panel, an orchestra (including blazing French horns and a tympani) alongside a choir (with spine-tingling contra-sopranos), filled the interior with celestial music giving the impression of omnipresent angelic visitors, praising the heavens in Latin plainsong recitations.

What remains is a devotion to the good news message of someone who lived twenty centuries ago, but whose story continues to inspire and change lives to this day. Yes, he was not just an inspired man. Yes, he worked miracles. And yes, that Easter morn, after three days in the grave, he rose again.

I’ve had a fair number of requests for more details on the recent Miami trip. One place I walked past was Miami Ink, a tattoo parlor upon which a popular TLC reality TV series is apparently based. I snapped the fuzzy pic to the right. Full disclosure requries me to state that I don’t have any tattoos, nor have I any interest in getting one. That said, I am like many of you, a social observer and this is what I’ve discovered about tattoos:

Tattoo Placement and Content
Girls have four tattoo location possibilities designated by current style:

• Shoulder blade
• Lower back (derisively referred to as a tramp stamp)
• Ankle
• Upper leg/bikini region

Girls can choose: a butterfly, heart, fairy, star, or cross. Mystical/eastern characters and scripts are also becoming popular.

For a guy, there are only two area choices:

• Bicep (Celtic or tribal swirl), which sometimes extends up to the shoulder or down to the forearm
• Across the top back

Popular male tattoo selections include: Chinese characters, your last name, your nickname, your girlfriend’s name, something mean (dragon), or a woman image (often not child-friendly.)

FACT: Tattoos are called “tats” by those who have them
Funny Tattoo Instructions.

Good time of day. You are disturbed by the charitable company Redd Cross of Slovenia. We have the business offer for you. We can offer to you of earnings, thus your salary will make from 1000$ to 2000$ per one month, at an incomplete working day. Your earnings can be and higher. The more and forces you will give time, the there will be your salary more.If it is interesting to you, you write on the address of e-mail of our agent: manager_on_connections@yahoo.com he will contact you within 24 hours and will throw off to you all details, and will answer you on all your questions. Thank you for attention Redd Cross of Slovenia!

Any takers?

My sister shared this one with me over the weekend, so if you hate it, she’s to blame!

There once was a man from the sticks
Who liked to write limericks.
But he failed at the sport,
Because he wrote them too short.

Recently a few of us went out to the desert for a bit of shootin’ fun. Nick and Ashley (married friends from previous employment) joined us. Somehow an old typewriter was found and somehow a large amount of Tannerite exposive was placed inside of it. You can click the video link to see what happened when Ash fired off a few rounds from the AK-47.
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Previous Desert Ballistics hijinks

“What if just knowing what a word meant could help feed hungry people around the world?“

Over at FreeRice.com, they have a vocabulary game and for every word you get right, they donate 20 grains of rice through the UN World Food Program to help end hunger. The rice is paid for by the advertisers whose names you see on the bottom of your vocabulary screen. (FreeRice is a nonprofit site.)

FreeRice has a custom database containing thousands of words at varying degrees of difficulty. The game automatically adjusts to your level of vocabulary. It starts by giving you words at different levels of difficulty and then, based on how you do, assigns you an approximate starting level. You then determine a more exact level for yourself as you play. When you get a word wrong, you go to an easier level. When you get three words in a row right, you go to a harder level. There are 55 levels in all, but it is rare for people to get much above level 48. The program keeps track of how many people get each word right or wrong, and then adjusts each word’s difficulty level accordingly. So the words at the easiest levels are the ones that people most often get right. The words at the hardest levels are the ones that people most often get wrong. As more and more people have played the game, these levels have become increasingly more accurate.

So, go learn and feed the poor!

It was a quiet week in the small town of St. Francis. Well, at least it started off that way.That was until old man Phillips, slowly peddling his bicycle, noticed his back tire was flat. Being cautious in his old age, Mr. Phillips guided his bicycle off the road to a spot under the long branches of the weeping willow near Mirror Lake that he and Mrs. Phillips used to frequent in the early days of their marriage. He thought a lot about his wife since her passing a year ago; the thoughts of her seemed to only increase with the passing days — his longing for her becoming ever more painful. As Mr. Phillips leaned down to examine the bicycle tire, he heard a loud gurgle coming from the lake. He looked upwards towards the sound, squinting in the morning sun, barely making out the silhouette of an SUV sinking slowly beneath the water.

I wrote that two days ago, or at least every other line. A friend and I were playing the classic alternating sentence writing game. I think it turned out pretty good so far. I’ve been meaning to write a book of short stories and perhaps this latest amusement of mine will be just the impetus I need. The goal of writing (and publishing) such a book even made it onto my new year’s resolutions list, though admittedly, so too did “Develop a convincing English accent”, “Work at McDonalds for a week” and “Buy 1 acre of land and dig a 100 ft deep hole with a backhoe in one month.” It’s not that I wouldn’t like to do each of those, it’s just that, with life the way it is, 1/6th of the year has already elapsed with not a single goal accomplished. How are your goals coming along?

Maybe you have capabilities that don’t get much use? Well, there’s a new website that lists all of those obsolete skills. Here are a few from the collection:

• Adjusting Rabbit Ears On Top Of A TV
• Asbestos Installation
• Booting Off A Floppy Disk
• Cleaning Head Of A VCR
• Using A Microfiche
• Using Correction Fluid