Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

My Alaskan Air flight just touched down here in Fairbanks, Alaska. Yes, it’s cold here. But how cold, you ask? I’ve decided to introduce the RBDN CRS (Coldness Rating Scale). Here’s how it works. There are seven increasing tiers, with four levels each:

I. Chilly (windbreaker recommended)
II. Visible breath (a real coat will make things better)
III. Face slap (parka needed)
IV. Nose hair /snot freeze (add gloves, scarf)
V. Bone chill (throw on thermals, and layered sweaters as well)
VI. Deep freeze– uncontrolled body shivering, fine motor control in extremities impeded (you need to get indoors fast)
VII. Absolute zero (all molecular motion ceases. You’re dead)

And, in case you’re wondering, it’s a Level 2 Face Slap on the RBDN CRS here in Fairbanks right now.

Today is a travel day. I’m currently sitting in the Seattle airport, gate D9, on the first of two layovers. Seattle charges you for wireless internet access, but thankfully I have my handy Sprint card with me! Incidentally, this might be my last blog entry for a while, as I’ve heard that Alaska doesn’t have the Internet yet.

Flying to Seattle, I came up with a short list of terms you might come across as you travel:

• Galley — the area where food is cooked and prepared on an airplane
• Purser — the Cabin Manager (or chief flight attendant)
• Steward — a Flight attendant
• Tarmac — a tarmacadam runway for airplanes
• Deplane — to disembark from an airplane
• Smug-faced — how the first class passengers look sipping their beverages as the coach class files on by
• Compacted Cardboard — the primary ingredient in the complimentary cheese crackers
• Mental Retardation — the reason why airlines continue to show a safety video on how to buckle your seatbelt
• UberShoehorn — what I needed to fit into my seat betwixt two large people