Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

That’s the answer to the question, “how many full-sized, hardwood bookshelves can Ryan transport with his vehicle?”

Yeah, I’m also that guy who refuses to make more than one trip to unload groceries from the car…

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, I did not win the sexiest man alive award (they tell me I was narrowly edged out by Hugh Jackman) Ha! But seriously folks! What you’re really thinking is “what can I get Ryan for Christmas this year?” Perhaps:

• Diamond jewelry?
• Cash?
• A life-sized roman soldier for my living room?

No, no and no. What you should get me (or anyone else you love, really) is something you MAKE– something like original art, or a plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies, or maybe matching spiked collars for beloved dogs. Consider giving, as well, an original choral composition, a clay heart, or a groomed bonsai tree. These all make wonderful gifts.

The recipients of your presents will like you more, Christmas will seem more meaningful and less commercial and you’ll get to skip the mall parking lot congestion and long shopping lines. Your gifts will also likely stand the test of time and not be quickly forgotten. So… are you in? Let’s take back the holidays.

We’ve chatted about Black Friday before. Still itching to spend, spend, spend? Here are some financial stats from Current TV‘s Maxed Out show:

• 1.2 million unemployed college graduates in the USA now
• The average college graduate owes 20,000 dollars in college loans
• 3/4 of American households carry debt
• 40% of American families annually spend more than they make
• 23% of Americans admit to having maxed out a credit card

Probably you’re already getting flyers in the mail with loss leaders enticements– great less-than-store-cost deals which draw you into the store (and into purchases you didn’t anticipate.)

Don’t misunderstand; if you’ve got lots of money, then, sure, go out and spend some. The economy works when people buy stuff. However, if you don’t have extra money, don’t be lured out at 5am for what will undoubtedly be a day of excess. You’ll regret (and pay for) it later.

So, what can you do if you’re not spending money you don’t have? Well, here at RBDN, we don’t point out problems without offering solutions.

Top Ten Things to Do Instead of Spending Money on Black Friday:

10- Glue a quarter to the mall floor and count how many people try to pick it up
9- Panhandle and/or shoplift
8- Get in line early, then, right before store opening, sell your spot
7- Go to a park and play Frisbee–it’s bound to be empty
6- Toilet paper your neighbor’s yard. They won’t be home
5- People watch in the food court
4- Play mall bingo (click bingo image to right–thx ddb!)
3- Go on a date
2- Learn a foreign language
1- Think of awesome names for the two female German Shepard puppies I’m going to adopt soon

It has been a while since I’ve posted random photos (since June, in fact.) Here are 44 more photos I’ve taken since then for you to enjoy:

While going through boxes in the basement, my mom stumbled upon a collection of poems I had written some twenty years ago. Here is a sampling below. Which one do you like best?

Ryan Byrd

Reading is one of my hobbies I
Yell a lot I’m
Awesome
Nine is my age

Warfare

Weapons
Are Being
Reproduced
Fighting with
Artillery
Rockets are firing
Eeek I’m hit

Space

Hello Martians
Good-Bye People

Doggies

wagging their tails
running, jumping, trotting
barking loudly all through the day
puppies

Ducks

flying through the air
ducks quacking very loudly
in the spring sunshine

The Falling Star

the speeding star drops ever so fast
As it falls I make a wish

The Sea

seagulls eating fish
the graceful sea, very calm
out comes a big shark

My brother is something of a high adventure risk seeker and recently while attempting to catch some high air (jumping boat wakes) at Lake Mead*, he crashed and jacked up his leg. He has been limping ever since. Yesterday, he went an got an MRI. Sure enough, the scan revealed that he had broken his leg and torn a bunch of ligaments (subcortical compaction fraction…extensive soft tissue edema, swelling, and abnormal signal with discontinuity, consistent with a lateral ligament tear, type II, etc, etc.)

If there is a funny part to this anecdote, under CLINICAL HISTORY, the MRI should have said “wakeboarding accident.” You’ll have to click the image link to discover what was typed instead. Evidently my brother is a terrorist.

* that the boat was filled with attractive women might have provided additional incentive for his showing off.

Related: NPR and CurrentTV have reported on a new, disturbing exhibit at Coney Island. You might remember we’ve talked about Guantanamo Bay before.

I’m collecting object lessons and sciency demonstrations and I need your help. What thought-provoking lesson awesomeness do you remember from your classes, physics or otherwise? If you can remember something good, go ahead and leave a blog comment, or for the faint of heart, contact me offline.

Here’s a good example, taken from high school psychology:

False Memory — On a whiteboard write ten words that deal with sleep, but are not the word sleep– words like BED, REST, AWAKE, TIRED, DREAM, etc. Have the group look at the words for 1 minute. Intimidate them by telling them that third graders can remember 9 words on average. Flip the board around and have the group write down as many words as they can remember in thirty seconds. Then read off the original list, getting a tally for how many people correctly remembered each word. Throw the word “sleep” into the mix. About half of the people will have written down “sleep” even though it didn’t appear in the list.

And here’s another one:

Egg Power – get two dozen large raw eggs. Rolls balls of Play-Doh (1/2 standard container) and press onto the ends of each egg. Place the capped eggs between two boards (see figure). With the Play-Doh distributing weight equally around the shell, you’ll find the egg sandwich you’ve just assembled can hold considerable weight — 2 dozen can even hold me (200+ lbs). Be careful to center the weight on the top board as to not unduly target anyone section of eggs.

The managing editor of current events and culture for RBDN stopped me by the office water cooler this morning and mentioned I should blog more about our current economic crisis. “Put a positive spin on it, Mr. Byrd, people need a little pick-me-up.” I thanked her for her suggestion and sat down at my laptop to brainstorm.

First, the bad news, apparently no one has a job anymore and everyone just got foreclosed on and the world markets are down the tubes. Time for some unsolicited advice!

Top Ten Ways to Save Money in this Down Economy

10- If you’re currently trying to gain weight so you can be a bouncer/cage fighter and so you have to buy and eat a lot of food, stop it.
9- Quit buying stuff (No Black Friday!)
8- Ask “What Would Suze Orman Do?”
7- Get things for free
6- Barter
5- Make all of your Christmas gifts — discover the inner artist!
4- Ride a scooter to work
3- No more dinner and a movie dates– get creative
2- Start a home-based business. Step one: eBay all your old junk
1- Celebrate holidays a day or two late, in order to take advantage of after-holiday sales (warning, your kids will probably hate you…)

Jon Krakauer tells this melancholic true story of a promising yet confused young man (Chris McCandless) who meets an early death through a terrible collision of bad luck and extreme risk taking. Into the Wild* is a sad recounting of the last four months of Chris’ life. Chris, inspired by Thoreau and Jack London, sets off into the Alaskan wilderness in a desperate, deliberate attempt for adventure, to find himself and to make sense of a world he found hypocritical and unbearable. Here’s an excerpt:

On the northern margin of the Alaska Range, just before the hulking ramparts of Mt. McKinley and its satellites surrender to the low Kantishna plain, a series of lesser ridges, known as the Outer Range, sprawls across the flats like a rumpled blanket on an unmade bed. Between the flinty crests of the two outermost escarpments of the Outer Range runs an east-west trough, maybe five miles across, carpeted in a boggy amalgam of muskeg, alder thickets, and veins of scrawny spruce. Meandering through the tangled, rolling bottomland is the Stampede Trail, the route Chris McCandless followed into the wilderness. … [the following note was left by Chris by his campsite where hikers later found his body:] S.O.S. I NEED YOUR HELP. I AM INJURED, NEAR DEATH, AND TOO WEAK TO HIKE OUT OF HERE. I AM ALL ALONE, THIS IS NO JOKE. IN THE NAME OF GOD, PLEASE REMAIN TO SAVE ME. I AM OUT COLLECTING BERRIES CLOSE BY AND SHALL RETURN THIS EVENING. THANK YOU, CHRIS MCCANDLESS. AUGUST?

* Yes, it was made into a movie

NPR reported that famed singer Miriam Makeba died today. Here’s how the AP reported it “Makeba fell ill after a concert against organized crime in the southern Italian town of Baia Verde late Sunday.”

So you’re telling me this lady goes to Italy and sings in a concert against ORGANIZED CRIME and then, while singing, suddenly collapses on the stage, and unexpectedly DIES immediately after? And no one thinks that’s strange except me?