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Mon 27 Jul 2009
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Wed 22 Jul 2009
I guess all the kids out in the blogsphere are doing this ABC thing and, gosh, who am I to not follow the crowd?!?
A- Age: 30.
B- Bed Size: King
C- Chore you hate: filling out the ABCs of Ryan Byrd
D- Dog(s) name: Bach and Wolfgang (coming soon)
E- Essential start your day item: two protein shakes. Strawberry-lemonade. Two scoops of protein each.
F- Favorite Color: Simpson sky blue
G- Gold or Silver: Silver
H- Height: 5’9 1/2″
I- Instrument: piano. (taking lessons)
J- Job Title: CTO. also, master of the universe
K- Kids: I’ll take five please
L- Living arrangements: house. with bees. covered in bees.
M- Mom’s name: Sister Byrd
N- Nicknames: Byrdman
O- Overnight hospital stay other than child birth: none
P- Pet Peeve: Cops.
Q- Quote: “The great aim of education is not knowledge but action.” — Herbert Spencer
R- Right or Left handed: Right.
S- Siblings: 2 brothers, 2 sisters
T- Time to wake up: Not before six. ever. unless something or someone is on fire.
U- Underwear: yup
V- Vegetable you dislike: everything but corn, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots and broccoli. and cauliflower.
W- Ways you run late: helping people move stuff with my 16′ trailer
X- X-rays you’ve had: my leg. a bullet lodged there. four guys. Costa Rica…
Y- Yummy foods you make: microwave popcorn. (Kettle or extra butter!)
Z- Zoo favorite: when pandas attack
What’s in your alphabet?
Tue 21 Jul 2009
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of our moon landings, NASA is releasing (in September) some higher resolution tapes of the Apollo 11 mission. Though the originals are lost, these new tapes (found in Australia) are of much better quality and should help silence some of the annoying we-didn’t-land-on-the-moon proponents. Which leads me to our next feature:
You might not be a genius if:
1- You believe Apollo 11 was faked– that NASA didn’t land astronauts on the moon in 1969
2- You believe 9/11 was planned and perpetrated by the US gover’ment
3- You think you catch a cold from being cold (bundle up!)
4- You think there really is a seven-second okay rule for food falling on the floor
5- You wipe off your silverware at a restaurant with a napkin to clean it
6- You don’t vaccinate your kids because vaccination is an evil plot to give your kids autism
7- You believe cops “protect and serve”
Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin punches annoying interviewer who calls Buzz a coward and a liar:
Mon 20 Jul 2009
I should have seen it coming. My boastful bragging of my bee-busting exploits served to only inflame the local bee community’s already peevish disposition. Yes, I laid waste to eight of their strongholds, but the survivors regrouped and returned even stronger! As well, they’ve begun constructing their bases in camouflaged niches– in bushes, trees, in the sand pit and under the deck.
Here’s the latest in the saga: I went out to check on my garden this afternoon. When I came back, as I walked up the deck stairs, the bees, laying in wait, attacked en masse. Witnesses (my sister) state I was enveloped in a swarm of maddened bees. Unconfirmed accounts have me screaming like a little girl. Yes they stung me (see photo) and yes I yelled (as a defensive measure). It hurt. A lot. Then, in a rage-filled retribution, I unloaded four cans of bee-killer spray on the nest, massacring all of the guerrilla, winged-warriors. Ill not let my guard down in the future, bees! Be warned!
Vespidae*, in case you were wondering, is the scientific name for the wasp family. Though I keep calling the flying, devilish insects bees, they are actually hornets and yellow jackets (both in the wasp family.) In fact, my first thought upon being assaulted by the wasps was intense anger because whereas bees die if they sting you, wasps can sting with complete abandon. That’s maybe why I flipped out and immediately destroyed their colony.
What’s under your deck?
* Yes, the ever-popular Vespa brand scooter is named after Vespidae!
Sat 18 Jul 2009
A few days ago I blogged about the annoying neighbor kids and their penchant for filling my yard with tennis balls. I found a good poster I might staple on their front door:
or, alternatively, I could install one of these motion sensing paintball turrets…
Fri 17 Jul 2009
Maybe you just have WAY too much money. “Recession? What recession?“, you say. Well, now there’s Bling H20*. Because water tastes A LOT better when it costs $35 a bottle.
Says the website,
In Hollywood it seemed as if people flaunted their bottled water like it was part of their presentation. Whether the bottles had a cool shape or came from an exotic island, none truly made that defining statement. Bling H2O was fashioned to make that defining statement. The mission was to offer a product with an exquisite face to match exquisite taste. The product is strategically positioned to target the expanding super-luxury consumer market. Initially introduced to hand-selected athletes and actors, Bling H2O is now excitedly expanding it’s availability. Bling H2O has been featured at many recent celebrity events including the MTV Video Music Awards and television’s biggest event, The Emmys. Bling H20 is pop-culture in a bottle. But it’s not for everyone, just those that Bling.
Yes, I’ve ranted about the bottle water mania before. Can you tell the difference between bottled water and tap water? No, no you can’t.
* Warning! The website’s homepage is a bit risque and is probably NSFW.
Thu 16 Jul 2009
Back in 1921, Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach smushed some ink on paper and began showing his inkblots to “examine the personality characteristics and emotional functioning” of his patients. He wanted his ten inkblots to be a secret, and they have been for decades. Recently, someone slipped them out of the doctor’s office and out to the curious world citizens. Oops! There is even a big controversy over whether Wikipedia should publish the now-public-domain images.
What do you see in these inkblots? (hint: shrinks are trying to make you think dirty thoughts…)
Wed 15 Jul 2009
Remember Kimberley Vlaminck? She was the 18 year old European girl who created a stir by having a bijillion stars tattoo’d all over her face and then claiming the incident was due to miscommunication. Her brilliance was just challenged by Alexa Longueira, a 15 year old Staten Island girl who fell into an open manhole as she was walking and texting. Said Alexa:
BRB. LIGHTS OUT. LOL.
Just kidding. Actually, she said:
It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me. … They were just, like, ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’
The Luddites of the world will use this as proof that technology is destroying society, casting us headlong into pits of despair (and moral sewage.)
I’m reminded of the classic Microsoft interview question, Why are manhole covers (always) round? My favorite answer: they’re not. You can buy square ones too. The nerdiest answer is “Manholes are round because circles are Reuleaux polygons, that is, a shape that can’t fall into its hole.” Other good answers include: people are round, corners pop tires, circles roll and circles are strong.
But we’re straying from the original point which is this: what is the next silly thing a teenage girl will do to catch the media’s attention?
Do you text when you shouldn’t?
Tue 14 Jul 2009
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Firing blanks, obviously. Oh, and before I forget:
Mon 13 Jul 2009
TimberShark Media has been featured before on RBDN for their Utah film production professionalism. Well, they’ve upgraded their studio (my garage) to include a full green (Chroma key) wall. Before, green-screening was done with a portable fabric screen. The problem was the green screen is square while the HD video camera is wide aspect (16×9), meaning it is not easy to get full person shots. With the new setup, this should be easier to realize.
The next steps include building a performance stage with a sloping transition to the wall, ceiling mounted lights, sound dampening and air conditioning. Obviously, the electricity will need to be upgraded for that.
We could have probably used any green paint from the hardware store, but instead we used FilmTool’s special Chroma key paint, which costs 10x as much. Yeah, they saw us coming…
What’s next for TimberShark? We are currently filming a Football Quarterback Training DVD and we’ll have open casting calls for Apple Beer soon. Think you’ve got what it takes to be the next face of Apple Beer? Contact us.
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