Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Guess how many Trick ‘O Treaters this year we got this year? ZERO! (even though we were prepared with eight bags of candy.) Of course, we left home at seven to go to a haunted house and then to a haunted restaurant* — so, perhaps, that early departure might explain some of the mystery.

Let’s be real — children don’t go trick or treating any more. Outside Utah, it’s just too dangerous. Even in Happy Valley, little kids go trunk ‘o treating and office cubicle ‘o treating (because seriously, who is going to trust creepy, random strangers to feed your kids?) And if the kids are a bit older they probably go to church parties or school parties or house parties. The worst of all Utah Parties (as measured by Debauchery Points) is supposed to be the Utah State Howl, followed only slightly, by the UVU McKay Events Center Halloween bash.

The thing is, that kids are growing up faster now-a-days. Elementary kids have cellphones**. Seven year olds have body image issues*** Marketers even have a term for this: KAGOY (Kids Are Growing Older Younger). The media and hormone-pumped McDonald’s chicken are producing maturation before its time. And that means I have eight bags of candy to eat all by myself. How was your Halloween?

* Actually not haunted, just Chili’s. Though we did see a real-life sociopath there…
** According to research by  C&R Research, 22 percent of young children own a cell phone (ages 6-9), 60 percent of tweens (ages 10-14), and 84 percent of teens (ages 15-18).
*** Nearly three quarters of seven-year-olds in a recent survey said they want to be slimmer because they believe they will be more popular (src)