I once saw a televised debate between an atheist and a Christian. The atheist was convincing, but in the end, the Christian quipped, “this debate is moot. The Christian birthrate is rapidly increasing, whereas atheists are in the decline. In one hundred years, there won’t be any more unbelievers.” I wish the Christian had put more substance into his argument, but his point was taken nonetheless.

The US Census Bureau released the 2010 census results today.  Over the last ten years, states known for their lack of religious devotion (like Vermont and New Hampshire) barely grew at all (2.8 & 6.5% respectively) while Utah, that bedrock of fervent Mormon religiosity, grew by 23.8%. Ready or not, here we come! Oh, and Utah gets another (Republican) seat in the House of Representatives. Sorry, New York.

Here are some new rules as Mormons take over the world:

  1. The minivan becomes the national automobile
  2. Tithing can be taken directly out of your paycheck
  3. No speed limit after church meetings the first Sunday of each month
  4. All television reporters must prove they can distinguish real Mormons from polygamists
  5. October is National Marie Osmond month
  6. All immigrants get a welcome care-package with Noni Juice and Nu Skin cosmetics
  7. Gambling legal in Utah when betting on BYU/UoU games
  8. Mission Farewell party expenses now tax-deductible
  9. The legal drinking age for Coca-cola raised to 21
  10. The beating of Conference Protesters allowed, but officially discouraged.
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