Tue 31 May 2011
Chemotherapy treatment can take a long time– weeks or months. You’ll be in the hospital for that time. Boring!
What to do? Here is a soon-to-be-illustrated list with awesome ideas to pass the time.
- Search for words that rhyme with chemotherapy. I can think of five.
- Write a short story of how a brave dragon beats the rogue cancer cell invasion army. Draw pictures to accompany it.
- Brainstorm how you would rob an armored car. Rules: No “knockout gas” is allowed. Also, no one can get hurt.
- Consider this: there are an infinite number of infinitely small slices in the space we call a yard. If a rabbit were hopping toward a tree, one yard away, and with each hop it cut the distance in half, it would never reach the tree… and yet it does. Discuss.
- Automotive engineers are the laziest people on the planet. they designed the car to resemble a boat. Think about it– both cars and ships both have steering wheels. They both can steer forward left and forward right, but are not capable of purely horizontal movement. Boats and cars both have motors in the back and are awkward to reverse. If engineers were smarter, and dropped the nautical motif, the back wheels would turn and parallel parking would be easy. what other paradigms have we not cast away? (pun intended)
- Try to draw a perfect circle freehand. it’s a lot harder than it sounds. The artist Giotto di Bondone painted a perfect circle for the pope as a demonstration of his skills.
- The problem with Africa is Corruption. Followed by disease, infrastructure, and education. You’re given one year to govern the Ivory Coast with complete power. How do you set up a sustainable democracy to fix their problems?
- Some colors are also names of objects of that color: Rose, Ivory, Lavender, Coral, Orange. Can you think of any others?
- Green means go and red means stop, but red and green color blindness is the most common kind. Is there a better way to indicate stop and go?
- How many times can you fold a sheet of paper again and again in half? Try it and see.
- Crochet a rug. It’s actually pretty simple to do. Look it up on YouTube.
- Can you flick your hand in such a way so that your index and middle fingers smack together with an audible snapping sound? Brazilians and LDS missionaries to Brazil can. Try it.
- Can you spin a pencil around your forefinger? It’s a staple trick of high school debaters and law students. Learn how.
- They say the ability to curl one’s tongue is genetic, but I’m not convinced. More research (by you) is needed.
- Dih dih dih dah dah dah dih dih dih is Morse code for SOS, which stands for Save Our Ship– it’s the universal distress code. Now’s as good a time as any to learn Morse code. You can master it in a week or two.
- Work on perfecting writing with your non-dominant hand. It is a great tool for writing ransom notes which can’t be traced back to you
- Why don’t flashlights (usually) flash?
- Are there magic numbers? Why do things exist in 2s or 3s so often?
- Contrary to the lyrics, there just aren’t very many songs about rainbows. Now is a great time to write one.
- You’re starting a colony on Mars and you can take ten different people with you. Which occupations would you pick?
- You have the opportunity to take one penny from every bank account in the world and give that money to charity. Most people wouldn’t even notice or miss that cent but the impact to the non profit is huge. You wouldn’t get caught. Do you do it?
- You can probably learn to juggle while sitting up in bed. Start with silk handkerchiefs
- If you’re throwing up a lot, you might consider compiling a list of foods with their unpleasantness of throwing up rankings. Fruit juice probably burns for example.
- Young/old people are so ignorant. If only they would realize _________
- French is, without argument, the most beautiful language. Brush up on it.
- Chinese is, without argument, the most useful language. Learn it.
- Does someone really annoy you? Order them twenty pizzas, cash on delivery.
- Do you really appreciate someone? Donate to their blog fund.
- Call your senator and scream at them. They’ve likely recently done something yell-worthy.
- Jot down your opinions on: hippies, gangstas, lawyers, Canadians, professional athletes and Obama.
- The problem with the American justice system is that it’s not just (fair) at all. Two people can commit the same crime in the same situation and get two very different judicial results depending on the cleverness of their attorneys, the ineptness of the arresting officer and the incompetence of the judge. How could we improve the system?
- The problem with strictly vilifying stereotypes is it doesn’t account for the possibility that women might be better nurturers, that men might be better at math and that a 20 year old Arab might be more likely to hijack your plane than would an 80 year old Jewish woman. How can rationality exist with political correctness?
- Why are pages intentionally left blank?
- It’s never a bad time to
plant paint a tree.
- Get the latest copy of the Guinness Book of World Records and break a record (Largest Gathering of People Dressed Like Gorillas/Largest Gathering of People Dressed Like Smurfs)
- Learn to play the guitar
- Invent a board game (Duopoly?)
- Scrapbook something.
- Make something to sell on Etsy.
- Publish an article about your travels.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Tue 31 May 2011
WASHINGTON—After months of tense bipartisan negotiations, President Barack Obama announced Monday he had secured a deal to provide every man, woman, and child in the United States with a parrot. “These are beautiful animals that can live up to 80 years and are very smart,” said Obama, feeding sunflower seeds to a blue and yellow macaw he referred to as General Parrotraeus. “At a time when there is so much dividing us as a nation, we must never forget that there are some things every American can cherish. You will enjoy these birds.” A press release from the White House stated that while no food or cages would be provided, citizens who already own a bird may opt out with proof of parrot.
Thu 26 May 2011
Wed 25 May 2011
Posted by admin under annoying1 Comment
Do you hate Oprah? You should. She’s been plodding along spouting all sorts of spurious advice as if she’s the leader of the universe. She IS the master of saying nothing while saying a whole lot. Today was her last show, or so I’m told, and the world is rejoicing. Lest you think we’re being harsh or fueled by jealousy at her success, let’s review some of her frequent Epic Fails:
- Oprah causes disease– it’s true. She brought on the EXPERT Jenny McCarthy, the Playboy model and actress, to tell the world that measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccination causes autism. Except it doesn’t. And now 1/2 of Utah mistakenly believes that all vaccinations are EVIL which is why some previous eradicated diseases are on the rise. Thanks, Oprah.
- Oprah is a prostitute. Like most of Hollywood, Oprah will tout anything that will get her cash, for example “non-FDA-approved bioidenticals” that walking corpses like Suzanne Somers use to look, um natural.
- Oprah consorts with crackpots. Oprah invited an expert (read: fruitcake) who warned the world against the HPV vaccine. HPV vaccine is safe, Oprah is not.
- Oprah ain’t edumucated. Oprah excels in pseudo-science mumbo jumbo: “in many women, thyroid dysfunction develops because of an energy blockage in the throat region, the result of a lifetime of ‘swallowing’ words one is aching to say.” Did you read that? An energy blockage causes thyroid problems. Here’s a telling exchange that might make you throw up a little in the back of your throat:
Oprah : So your body … is only manifesting what’s really going on with your spirit?
Northrup: But your intellect doesn’t know it. This is the important part. It’s not—you’re not causing this deliberately … It’s your soul bringing it to your attention.
Oprah: Right. It’s your soul trying to speak to you.
- Oprah is a prostitute (again). One of the books that Oprah pimps out is “The Secret”, which states that with the Law of Attraction one can use the vibrations of the universe to cure all diseases with the power of thought alone. Once again, Oprah is a quack, and regrettably her legions of mindless followers don’t question their deranged queen.
- Oprah is BBFs with Dr Phil. That alone is condemnation enough.
There is much more to her dangerous nonsense, and it should make you mad. Oprah is not a doctor, yet she dispenses health advice left and right. She’s not a scientist, yet she talks about energy and force fields like she’s an astrophysicist. Oprah is nothing more than a loud-mouthed cultist impressively good at corralling the masses. History will judge her harshly.
read more: http://www.newsweek.com/2009/05/29/live-your-best-life-ever.html
Sat 21 May 2011
Since none of us were raptured, the only logical conclusion is for all of us to join the marijuana-fueled Krishnas down in Spanish Fork. Who’s with me?
This video was shot at the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork, Utah. Their annual Festival of Colors was a great opportunity to test the slow-mo capabilities of Brian Thomson’s Canon 7D.
Fri 20 May 2011
This post is for the sinners. Hundred of righteous people have already dropped off their cars, gold and withdrawn bank balances at RBDN Rapture Headquarters (you can’t take it with you!) For the rest who won’t be involved in the going-up-to-heaven MAIN EVENT tomorrow, you’ve got a bit of work to do to prepare for the coming apocalypse.
Let us take a hard look at the facts. In the coming atomic war, blast, heat, and initial radiation could kill millions close to ground zero of nuclear bursts. Many more millions—everybody else—could be threatened by radioactive fallout. But most of these could be saved. Everyone, even those far from a likely target, would need shelter from fallout.
You need a Family Fallout Shelter. Fortunately, our government, back in 1959 was thoughtful enough to write up a handy packet with all the information you’ll need to build a quick hideout. Home Depot closes at 9, so be sure to stop by right after work to pick up the materials. Remember, the global earthquake happens tomorrow evening at 6pm.
Wed 18 May 2011
Rapid evangelicals commonly rail against Mormons as if Mormons were the scourge of the earth. Recently one evangelical lunatic even said, “A vote for [Mitt] Romney (because he is Mormon) is a vote for Satan.” Why all the hate? It’s simple– the evangelical congregational numbers are threatened.
Protestants like to go off on how weird Latter Day Saints are, but it’s not the Saints’ weirdness that frightens them, it’s their normalcy.* Ever been to a Born Again Christian revival? Full of crazies. Been to an LDS ward lately? 3 hours of boredom. The meetinghouses are chock-full of normal, largely dull people talking about families and Jesus and doing good to others. How absolutely unexciting. Yawn.
Whereas our pseudo-Christian brethren are yelling and carrying on about all sorts of nonsense, Mormons keep it real– by focusing on practical instruction on how to be a better person, a better father or mother, sister or brother, a better citizen, a better disciple of Christ. You don’t see MOs picketing outside other Christian get-togethers, trying desperately to incite violence with incendiary rhetoric and actions. You will, on the other hand, always spot vicious boogles of insane anti-Mormon Christian protesters outside every LDS General Conference.
If Jesus came back today (or this Saturday at 6pm) which Church would He recognize as closest to his original teachings? You decide.
* It’s not *just* the normal-ness of the LDS people that’s an affront to the born-agains. It’s also the LDS theology– it just makes sense. God has a body. Jesus is a separate person from Heavenly Father. This life is a test of how we use our agency. Our goal is to return to Heaven to be like God. The Holy Ghost helps us. If you follow Jesus, you’re blessed. Simple. Elegant. Awesome.
Wed 18 May 2011
This Saturday, May 21st at 6pm marks the beginning of the Rapture, which is, in the words of the Apostle Paul, when “the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.” You’d know this if you weren’t wicked. Or Buddhist. Or a cave dweller.
I, for one, welcome the destroying angels who will slay the evil doers and free up some great real estate holdings (including probably *all* of upstate New York and the better part of Los Angeles– tons of sinners in those regions.) Are you ready to face your maker? Here’s a quick Rapture Readiness Checklist:
- Have you diggeth a pit for your neighbor (assuming he *didn’t* ask for said pit)? (-10)
- Do you have any experience flying through the air? (+4)
- Did you vote for Obama? (-5)
- Did you consider voting for Romney (a vote for Romney is a vote for Satan)? (-1)
- Have you curseth your father or mother recently? (-3)
- Do you wear Crocs shoes, FiveFingers shoes or a fanny pack? (if so, you’re surely going to Hell) (-5,000)
I’ll see you all in heaven!
Sun 15 May 2011
Posted by admin under informative1 Comment
The other day a friend asked me how people sell stuff online. I emailed him back this short list. Basically, if you want to make money by selling stuff online, you have a few options:
- Buy something in bulk and resell it (this means you have to front the cost, carry the inventory and ship). alibaba.com is where people go to buy cheap Asian stuff. Minimum quantities apply. They prefer you to buy an entire shipping container of products, but you can get stuff at considerable discounts.
- Make something and upload the product to a site to process the credit cards for you. etsy.com is for selling your crafts (see awesome book to the left).
- Design something but have another company make it and sell it and ship it (like tee shirts). cafepress.com does this.
- Write a book and have another company print and sell it and ship it. lulu.com does this
- Become an affiliate for another company, you advertise the product, but they sell it. you get a commission. bluehost.com pays you $65 per referral, for example
- White label resell products from third party whole-sellers using drop shipping. doba.com does this.
- Finally, you could make something and put up a website to take orders (using google checkout or paypal or authorize.net) and fulfill your orders yourself. A local media company, for example, sells their Quarterback DVD training series DVD this way.
Knowing, they say, is 1/2 the battle. And now you know. Oh, and the old idea of “if you build it, they will come” is dead wrong. You have to advertise. advertise. advertise.
Fri 13 May 2011
Wikipedia, that unfailing cesspool of all knowledge says the following about today:
The actual origin of the superstition, though, appears also to be a tale in Norse mythology. Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil — a gathering of thirteen — and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week. For many centuries in Scandinavia, Friday was known as “Witches’ Sabbath.
Is *any* of that garbage actually true? It’s hard to say. The Internet is full of mistakes whereas printed material is surprisingly unerring. Why, you ask?!? This is because the gover’ment back in ’73 required all printer manufacturers to install a then-secret VeriTruth module on all printers and photocopiers. This small black box performs two tasks– one, it detects currency (and refuses to print it) and two it fact-checks all text it finds against a centralized data bank– that’s why your printer is always searching for “driver updates.”
Now you know. Please make a note of it.
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