Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Many of us have shared/community refrigerators at work to chill our lunches. Sometimes, you may be tempted to eat food that isn’t yours. This handy flow chart will guide you in this crucial decision making process. An RBDN original!

The only thing worse than a liberal is a PETA liberal. Okay, I guess an atheist, PETA liberal is worst of all, but we’re getting into some serious redundancies here. If you are a PETA supporter, and WHO ISN’T?!? Then you need to adhere to these PETA 10 Commandments:

1. Remember, animals are people too!
2. Suffering is always wrong, unless you’re a mink farmer or a Japanese whaler.
3. Insects have feelings too (probably.)
4. Ultimate moral dilemma: a panda bear eating a spotted owl.
5. When in doubt, use a nude celebrity in an ad campaign.
6. If you eat meat, you’re a bloody animal! (unless you’re an *actual* animal, then it’s okay.)
7. Acceptable PETA hobbies: organic farming, near-eastern spirituality, yoga and medicinal cannabis.
8. All animals have rights, unless those animals are homo sapien farmers.
9. It’s better for deer to die of starvation than to allow redneck hunters to thin the herd.
10. If all else fails, compare chicken suffering to that of rape victims or holocaust Jews.

Have a heart — go vegetarian!

the ultimate perpetual motion machine!

A ring-of-fire solar eclipse will be visible this Sunday on the west coast of North America ushering in the END OF THE WORLD. As predicted by the ancient Mayans, the moon will slide in front of the sun and block 94 percent of its light. HOWEVER, because the moon is near the point in its orbit when it’s farthest away from Earth it will only cover most of the sun leaving a ring of fiery light signifying the end of humanity . It’s relatively rare; the last one was in 1994, but strangely, we’ll have another in May 2013. If you have access to virgins or goats, they’ll need to be offered up to the sun god post-haste.

Check out NASA for more details.

I have hives. Beehives, that is. Two months ago, I ordered bees. One month ago, I assembled and painted four bee boxes. Last weekend, I picked up a duo of buzzing crates of bees and dumped them into the boxes. Then I added sugar water and lids. Now they’re (presumably) making me loads ‘o free honey. (Full disclosure, I don’t rather like honey, but I do enjoy the occasional bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.)

I’m the Lord of the Bees!

Bees are Apis mellifera, which OF COURSE is ridiculous, Mr Carolus Linnaeus, because bees don’t bear HONEY, they carry NECTAR, which is quite a different thing.

And then I made a bunch of bee bumper stickers, which, when you buy them will make me a rich man! Don’t you love bees?  Support your local beekeeper (me) today!

Been stung lately?

I’m horrified at the conservative zealots who prevent educators from teaching the FACTS of life about smoking. It’s not the 1800s, people. Keep your religion out of my ashtray.

The idea is that we teach children about contraception in school, not because we want them to be more sexually active (or increase curiosity about all things intercourse) but because we admit, honestly, that a certain number of them are going to have intimate relations before marriage and we want them to be prepared when they do so to make better decisions. duh.

Of course, it logically follows that we also concede that some children are going to smoke tobacco, and so we must not PREACH “Just say no“, but rather, “Just say low tar!” or “Just say three-a-day!” Let’s not be old fashioned, kids are going to smoke and when they do, they need the facts: smoke cigarettes that have filters, don’t breathe the smoke in deeply, and when visiting a marijuana medical dispensary (where legal!), try not to operate heavy machinery afterwards.

Obama 2012!

These might come in handy during your next verbal donnybrook:

1. Rufflers (thieving beggars, apprentice uprightment)
2. Uprightmen (leaders of robber bands)
3. Hookers or anglers (thieves who steal through windows with hooks)
4. Rogues (rank-and-file vagabonds)
5. Wild rogues (those born of rogues)
6. Priggers of prancers (horse thieves)
7. Palliards (male and female beggars, traveling in pairs)
8. Fraters (sham proctors, pretending to beg for hospitals, etc.)
9. Abrams (feined lunatics)
10. Fresh-water mariners or whipjacks (beggars pretending shipwreck)
11. Dummerers (sham deaf-mutes)
12. Drunken tinkers (thieves using the trade as a cover)
13. Swadders or peddlers (thieves pretending to be peddlers)
14. Jarkmen (forgers of licenses) or patricoes (hedge priests)

src: http://www.listsofnote.com/

We went down to Las Vegas to catch the SHOT Show last weekend. Awesomeness abounded:

And then we have the H&K Grenade Machine Gun (GMG) which fires high impulse 40mm (40 x 53 mm) grenades: http://www.hk-usa.com/military_products/gmg_general.asp

I know it’s a commercial, but it’s pretty awesome. Slow motion explosions never get old.

time to put a bar of soap or an egg in the microwave…

Fotoshop by Adobé