Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Who said RBDN wasn’t instructional? Well, here is a video that might save your life one day, complements of our buddy Tyler:

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bottle break video (larger)

On a walk today at work, we discovered a massive ant war on the sidewalk fought between two colonies of ants. Many of the competing ants were locked in deadly embraces. Obviously, I lay down on the sidewalk and videotaped the event. I’m kind of bummed I didn’t have a macro lens on my camera…

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ant attack video (larger)

Rampant, ridiculous rumors have been circulating about claiming that I had been commissioned to design a meticulously-crafted, imposing, life-sized Roman solider from discarded lumber. I would like to immediately disabuse my readers of any such notion, unless, of course, the rumors were referring to this:

Way back in January ‘07, with much inspiration from EDS, I solicited the blogosphere to Ask Ryan Stuff. Sadly that blog comment thread devolved into an argument involving swearing and commas (thanks William.) Fortunately we’re back on track. Here are a few of your submitted questions and my thoughtful responses:

Q. Okay, tell me this. The word binoculars. Bi, meaning two, right? Ocular, having to do with the eyes. Where does that N come from? Shouldn’t it be Bioculars?
A. Ah, the age-old binocular question. It’s common to confound the bi- prefix with bin-. They look alike, right? But bi- refers to a two parts, or a pair, whereas bin- is a thin metal container for holding stuff like Christmas cookies. Do you see the difference?

Q. What do you think about Bill Gates leaving Microsoft?
A. It’s a good start. Now, if only the rest of the employees would leave… (Sorry David!)

Q. My brother keeps stealing my girlfriends. What can I do to stop him?
A. Change the padlock on the cellar where you keep them all.

Q. Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that owning a handgun is a constitutional right, should I be packing heat too?
A. No, you should stop playing World of Warcraft, move out of your parent’s basement and get a job.

Q. Why can’t we turn the economy around?
A. “We”? I don’t know about YOU, but I haven’t turned the economy around because I’ve been watching So You Think You Can Dance reruns.

Q. Why did the boy I met online just want to make out with me?
A. Because you met him online. Seriously, do I have to explain everything?

Q. What can we do to reverse global warming?
A. We should turn up the AC and leave refrigerator doors open. Come on, THINK before you submit questions.

Got more questions for me? Use the RBDN comment form to submit them.

It’s true, I like art. For the third year in a row, I’ve attended the Utah Arts Festival in downtown Salt Lake City (see 2007 Utah Arts Festival and 2006 Utah Arts Festival.)

Honestly, though there are some impressive artists, my favorite part of the event is not the artwork, but wondering around with a slushy watching the motley crowd of attendees. The UAF has got to be some of the best people watching ever. I snapped a few pics for you to enjoy. Yes, I paid the ten bucks admission fee because I was too lazy to try and get a press pass. Maybe next year…

A year and a half ago in one of my MBA classes, we were challenged to replicate the Canadian Paper clip Trading experiment (where a savvy Canuck traded up from a red paper clip to a 2 story house.) Modesty aside, I won the class contest (prize: 2 movie tickets) by trading from a paper clip to a year membership at a recreational vehicle club company (Toyshare.)

Many of you might remember my original green paper clip website.

Well, a few days ago a random Internet surfer landed on that old paper clip trading page and decided he, too, wanted (nay needed) a paper clip. Several emails later, the trade was finalized and I am now the proud owner of two amps and two speakers (in a handsome enclosure). They are sitting on the floor next to me.

And that’s where you come in. I don’t need two awesome, ghetto-blasting speakers– my scooter would tip over from the weight. What I need is something else. Something that you have. What is it? You tell me.

NOW LIVE! A cool site: http://BIGgreenpaperclip.ryanbyrd.net to track this newest adventure.

Many of you secretly (and not so secretly) expressed relief when Marvellous Mustache May was over and I finally shaved off my best attempt at upper-lip hair. It’s true, it only looked like a real stash when I put mascara in it, and when I did that (only once), people claimed I resembled a Columbian drug lord. It’s hard to win in the mustache world.

The culminating event in this mustache mayhem was a convergence of my moustachioso brethren (and supporting ladies) at an aging bowling alley for some pin-knocking fun. I arrived with my newly acquired video production gear (including a Canon XHA1 HD video camera), and interviewed a half dozen of the attendees. Even though I was still fighting off a terrible summer flu, I think my line of questioning went pretty well. You can be the judge.

• Mustache May 08 Interview 1
• Mustache May 08 Interview 2
• Mustache May 08 Interview 3
• Mustache May 08 Interview 4
• Mustache May 08 Interview 5
• Mustache May 08 Interview 6

The response from the last three monthly photo rambling posts was good: March Photo Ramblings, April Photo Ramblings and May Photo Ramblings, so here are a few random pics from this month, or at least from the first half of the month.

Can you guess which picture is my favorite?

Right now on the kitchen counter is a Barrett 50 caliber m82a1 sniper rifle. The details on how it came to be there might be fuzzy, but what remains is that arguably the most powerful firearm legal for civilian possession is merely a foot away from me, propped up on its biped, beside a few boxes of ammo. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s talk guns. Specifically, let’s consider the Barrett 50 cal. Maybe you saw it in the recent film Shooter. Perhaps you’ve heard about it in the news? If you’re in the military, you’re do doubt familiar with it’s reputation.

Here are the facts: the m82 is heavy at 32 lbs. Throw it in a Pelican case and you’re up to nearly 60lbs. It’s not your casual, stick up the Quicky-Mart weapon. The bullet it shoots is huge– at five and 1/2 inches, it dwarfs the 7.62 AK47 ammo (see photo.) It fires its ammunition at a blasting 2700 feet per second and can engage targets at up to 7450 yards. It can stop an armored personal carrier and other lightly armored vehicles. It defeats bulletproof glass (level 8 ballistic glass (considered the strongest available)) and all wearable body armor (easily slicing through IV.) Unlike other sniper rifles, the m82 is semiautomatic, not bolt action. That means it can fire ten rounds in under ten seconds. Obviously, it’s loved by the military forces of the world.

It’s also loved by those not in the military, and because it’s legal to own in most states (California hippie legislators made them illegal to purchase so Barrett responded by refusing to sell to California law enforcement) it’s a hot item. Whatever your take on gun control, Barrett claims that were it not for civilian sales, they couldn’t stay in business. So choose your poison– sniper rifles for civilians or higher taxes for greater military spending.

The controversy really lies in it’s power– it is a formidable weapon and *could* be used with great effect against police, etc. But its length (5 and 1/2 feet) and weight and cost (nearly $10,000.00 plus five dollars per bullet), puts it beyond the reach of many criminals. And though Hollywood would have us believe otherwise, there has not been a single bank robbery facilitated by this rifle.

Yes, I’ve fired it once. Prone. Still, it knocked me back several inches and for about a second, I couldn’t see anything. I’m told that excessive firing can lead to retina detachment as well as hearing loss. With everything, there are pros and cons.

Q. What’s on your kitchen counter?

A few weeks ago I bought a scooter, much to the amusement of friends and family. It’s true, I look rediculous. I already have an abnormally large head, so when I cap it off with a full-sized helmet, the whole look is particularly comical, as if a bobble-head doll is motoring along. I also wear gloves, sunglasses and large florescent orange backpack. Not for fashion, it’s so I get noticed by motorists. I do get noticed, and they laugh sometimes. Laughing is better than being run over by them.

I’ve driven the scooter nearly five hundred miles since purchasing it; I’ve driven to Provo, to Salt Lake City, out to Utah Lake. Though the scooter goes 65mph, I prefer taking the backroads. Going at a slower speed means I notice things more. It’s very calming and peaceful. Also, I pull over a lot to take pictures with my pocket-sized Canon digital camera. Life is good.

Life is not good for everyone, however. Friend William bought a scooter recently as well, and just days later I received a dazed phone call from him as he sat in the back of an ambulance. Going through a construction zone, a truck cut him off and William, swerving to miss the truck, crashed his scooter and bloodied his knee and hands. Lesson learned? You must be much more careful on a scooter than in a car. Also, wear gloves. Also, slow down. Seriously William, slow down.

With oil at $139 a barrel, and four dollars a gallon for unleaded gasoline (a record high), there’s something very satisfying about getting 100 miles a gallon. I don’t look so silly on my scooter now, do I?

How you like them apples?