Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

It’s true, I like art. For the third year in a row, I’ve attended the Utah Arts Festival in downtown Salt Lake City (see 2007 Utah Arts Festival and 2006 Utah Arts Festival.)

Honestly, though there are some impressive artists, my favorite part of the event is not the artwork, but wondering around with a slushy watching the motley crowd of attendees. The UAF has got to be some of the best people watching ever. I snapped a few pics for you to enjoy. Yes, I paid the ten bucks admission fee because I was too lazy to try and get a press pass. Maybe next year…

Thanksgiving Point, that overpriced eyesore of a hangout for socially-awkward, nouveau riche Alpine women, was the spot for the Wild Outdoors Festival STIHL Timbersport Series. This first stop in the Series competition featured top-ranked lumberjacks, the world’s best speed climbers, and female boom runners. Also, Smokey the Bear was walking around scaring the little children.

Like most gatherings of hard working Americans, there was pulled-pork sandwiches, baked beans and funnel cake. These are down-to-earth, meat-and-potatoes type of people, and this was their type of entertainment; chopping and sawing and climbing and running.

These lumberjacks, by the way, many from Australia and New Zealand, are burley men, with giant forearms and quick smiles who race up trees at the drop of a hat. It must be a cultural thing. In the US, if a grown man kept climbing your trees, we’d probably lock him up.

The main event, of course, was the female boom running, which featured fleet-footed, spiked-shoed ladies sprinting across soggy, spinning logs floating in a swimming pool. The slightest misstep and splash! into the water she goes. Fast fact: the term “lumberjill” is the female equivalent of a lumberjack.

There were related booths set up around the park, including those with duck decoy vendors, park rangers and barbecue associations. There was even a tent filled with lumberjacks in period costumes attempting stunts with a bull whip. Did I learn how to crack a whip? Yes. Did I manage to do it on my first try? Yes.

Unlikely corporate sponsor of the day: Best Buy’s Geek Squad.

Here are a few of the lumberjacking pictures I took there. Enjoy!

Around three o’clock or so this afternoon, a meeting fell through at work which meant I managed to slip out for a moment to join Alicia and Will at the 2007 Utah International Auto Expo which runs, by the way, from today through Monday at the South Towne Expo Center (9575 S. State).

The 2007 versions of your more common vehicles (Ford, Nissan, Honda, etc.) were all showcased, along with a classic car section.

Our attention, however, was garnered by the higher-end, sporty varieties like Ferrari, Porsche and Lotus. There’s nothing quite like a vehicle whose speedometer tops out at 220MPH. Fast fact: the first stick shift I drove was a Porsche 911 owned by the father of my Scoutmaster. Yes, I screwed up and ground the gears. Yes, it was dumb for him to let me drive it. Yes, I’m an Eagle Scout.

So, with the massive revenues I earn off this website, it’s likely I’ll own quite a few luxury cars in my lifetime. In fact, after my trip to Africa, I’ve become fond of armored SUVs. The next million or so I get might well go to Ogden’s International Armoring Corp which sells bullet-proof Suburbans, Escalades and Hummers. Don’t worry, I’ll hook you’ll up with rides.

This weekend marked the 176th Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.

As is tradition, the Byrd Family and invited friends attended the Saturday morning session at the Conference Center. As in previous years, we were lucky to snag good seats (although this is partially due to arising at unearthly hours and standing in long lines). Talk topics from the Saturday morning meeting included discipleship, patience, 1st generation members and serving with wisdom and order. Oh, and church President Gordon B. Hinckley announced the dedication of the 123rd LDS temple.

The Conference’s five, two-hour sessions spanning the two days were broadcast live around the world from the Conference Center at Temple Square in Salt Lake City.

Podcast

That’s how fast I ran yesterday’s 2006 Highland Fling 5k, give or take a second or two. My arch nemesis “mike” bested my time (and me) by an additional second or two. In the spirit of good sportsmanship, I’d like to take this time to wish a pox upon him and his posterity. Did I mention I placed first in my division of 25-29 year old males. I did. And they gave me a spiffy trophy. And several bottles of Powerade. Actually, I kinda just walked off with the Powerade, but anyway…

Bowing to popular demand, I once again wore my bicep-baring, florescent yellow singlet and those oh-too-short shorts that the ladies LOVE. Playing to the crowd’s utter anticipation, I waited until just moments before the race began before ripping off my break-away pants to expose those shorts (much to the delight of onlookers.) My sister winced. Someone suggested that next time I should do something to avoid the stark farmer’s tan on my legs. Duely noted.

After the race, my mom (who took the race photos) and I found shade on the side of 10400 N. and set up in preparation for the annual parade. The Highland Fling Parade is not nearly as provincial as you might expect. This year entrants included such crowd pleasers as the “Bank of American Fork Pig”, “Jared Robinson with his children on a horse” and “Congressman Jim Matheson”.

Can I interrupt myself for a moment? Parades are strange social constructions. You have a bunch of people, many dressed awkwardly, riding in fancy cars and decorated trailers. They wave, not exact to you but more at you, and sometimes they say things, but again, not really to you but at the parade watchers in general. And then they toss out salt water taffy (the cheapest bulk candy per pound) and then they sometimes squirt you with water guns. The crowd isn’t expected to do much except look and mutter the occasional comment like “that’s an ugly float”, “Miss Utah sure is hot this year”, and “Mom, why does Cosmo (BYU’s mascot) dance like a girl?”

Not me. I directly dialog with the paraders. “Hello Miss Utah”, I say. “that’s a nice dress you’ve got on, how much did it cost?” “Howya doing Lone Peak High School Cheerleaders! You in the back, call me in 5 years, ok?” “Wassup Paul Mitchell School people! Do you think my hair would look good with bleached tips?”

Last year this technique of loud, somewhat funny, yet mostly obnoxious commentary resulted in a healthy plunder of salt water taffy. This year the paraders must have gotten wise to my antics, because they seemed less impressed at my annoying discourse. Still, I managed to gather a respectable quantity of candy, plus two rolls of toilet paper (complements of the Costco float) when I announced, “Costco beats Sam’s Club ANY DAY!”

Another parade highlight included an attractive member of a dance studio who performed an flirty, impromptu shimmy in my direction when I exclaimed, “what a shiny shirt you’re wearing!” Indeed, the gold spangled shirt was shiny, the lady quite the dancer, and if you’re reading this Miss-Shiny-Shirt-Lady, email me, ok?

I got off track. Where was I? Oh, right, the parade. It was fun. We all had a good time, except for my sister. She threw up. But not because of the parade but because of the 5k, but we’re totally past that now, aren’t we?

I stopped by the Utah Arts Festival over the weekend and snapped a few pictures. Enjoy!

Thought of the day: can bloggers get press passes to events like this?