Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

On Friday, a few co-workers and I ran an operation freedom (meaning we ditched work and watched a matinée movie.) The selected movie? Why The Dark Knight of course.

Some people think that movie reviews shouldn’t give away details to avoid spoiling the film for others. Well I disagree. If you want a movie review with no spoilers, go here.

Most of you know that I have ADD, so 2 1/2 hour movie is very difficult for me to sit through. Surprisingly, this movie (unlike any of the horribly-long Bored of the Rings movies) captivated my attention nearly the entire time. Let me be more specific, the Joker held my attention.

Batman/Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) and the other characters were side acts, and massively overshadowed by the Joker (Heath Ledger.) For one, Batman insisted on speaking in a intentionally lowered, raspy voice which irritated me to no end. Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) was confusing and one dimensional. Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) becomes evil and his half-skeleton face is a distraction to whatever blather came from his mouth. Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) gets illogically upset when Batman builds a contraption to locate the Joker by listening in on cellphone microphones (it’s okay to run a muck and break laws as a vigilante, but, for the love, do NOT ease drop on people!!!) And there were other characters but I forget them all. None of them is as riveting as the Joker.

He is somehow likable as he cracks jokes and cavorts about like a little kid (for example, when he exits the hospital, dressed as a nurse and get flustered because the bombs he has planted don’t all go off immediately.) Even in his murderous sadist rages, he’s still light-hearted and laughing. In fact, he always seems to be snickering at something– when Batman pushes him off a building, he laughs all the way down. To be sure, the Joker is an evil, clown-faced lunatic sociopath hellbent on terrorism (his goal is anarchic disruption, disorder and suffering– not money.) He has an unlimited supply of henchmen and bombs and remote detonators to enact his plans (or his un-plans as he claims (”Do I look like a guy with a plan?”)) His macabre, caked-painted visage, the flick of his tongue as he licks his lips mid-sentence, his complete absence of compassion (as he violently slams a mafia man’s head into a pencil, for instance), his yellow hell-hound teeth, all serve to unnerve the viewer– he is at all times “completely believable, disturbing, and nightmarishly frightening.” The Joker’s spine-tingling performance will reverberate with you for days.

Joker: How many of your friends did I kill?

Cop: Six.

Joker: SIX? [grimaces] You know, you can tell a lot about a person in the moments before they die. I probably know more about your friends than you do. Would you like to know which ones were cowards?

This movie is epic. It’s a visually stimulating shoot-em up action flick combined with complex, thought-provoking moral dilemmas. It’s a dark movie that doesn’t leave you frightened, but instead dizzily introspective: is chance/chaos is the only thing that is fair in life? (because everyone has the same odds?), would you press a button to blow up a boat of criminals if you thought they might do the same to you?

Yes, Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar.

Factoid: Did you notice the Joker told two different stories about the origins of his facial scars (His dad, His wife)?

Chick Flicks (sappy, lighthearted, winsome romantic comedies with happy endings), if you are forced to watch one, as every man occasionally is, at least it can be cleverly funny. Music and Lyrics^*, starring High Grant^** and Drew Barrymore, is just such a chick flick. (By the way, I haven’t done a film review in a while. The last one, in fact was Stranger than Fiction, back in Nov 2006, so I felt a movie review was overdue.)

But back to Music and Lyrics. I have found Hugh Grant’s quick, dry, British wit hilariously funny in previous movies and this latest did not disappoint me. (I think, for example, that he brought to live an otherwise dull Two Weeks Notice.) In Music and Lyrics, Grant plays a former 80s Pop Singer named Alex Fletcher who is given a career-reviving chance to write a song for Cora, a young, sultry pop singer (Haley Bennett.) Grant’s skills are mainly in his overconfident dance moves and in playing the piano, not in writing songs. Still, the deadline looms and his prospects are dim. Then Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore), a quirky writer-turned-plant watering lady arrives and Alex convinces her to use her literary talents to help write the song^***. Dreadfully predictable, dreadfully cheesy, yet still amusing enough that I didn’t fall asleep, I’ll give this film a star or two.

Movie Trivia: Alex’s 80s band was fittingly called “Pop!” and their hit song, “Pop! Goes my Heart.” You can watch the gut-wrenching boy band atrocity here. The film features a catchy tune called “Way Back into Love” that I can’t, for the life of me, get out of my head. Go ahead and click the link so that it will embed itself into your head.

* You should know that, ScreenIt, a movie review site for parents, categorizes this PG-13 movie’s sexual content as “heavy.” Read all about it here. I don’t disagree with the assessment.
** Yes, I know that Mr. Grant was arrested back in 95 for lewd contact with a whore.
*** Does Alex sleep with Sophie on their second day of lyric writing? Sadly, yes.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Will Ferrell star in Sony Picture’s Stranger than Fiction. In a phrase, it’s a smart movie of smart people. Don’t be mislead, I’m not saying that Will or Maggie are Mensa candidates, but rather that their characters are smartly written and cleverly played.

Will plays Harold Crick, a dead-pan, detail-oriented, color-by-numbers, mathematically-inclined, everyday-is-planned-and-predictable-and-the-same IRS auditor who completely lacks zest and vitality and humor (at least intended humor). On the up side, Harold can multiply large digit numbers in his head, which proves useful to his co-workers. Harold is obsessive compulsive with numbers; he counts his toothbrush strokes and his steps and ceiling tiles. He hasn’t taken a day of vacation in three years. He lives in a sterile apartment and lives a life devoid of close relationships or warmth or change. He is, however, successful and confident in his auditing sphere where he holds somewhat of a senior-level position.

One day, in the midst of his well regulated existence, Harold, while brushing his teeth, suddenly starts to hear a female voice narrating his life. In his quest to discover the origin of that voice, Harold makes friends, discovers much about his true self and begins to break out of his previous chains. It’s 113 minutes, but time well spent. I heartily recommend this film, particularly if you like smart humor.

I’ve never been to film school, but I’m guessing that therein, they teach that if you’re making a magician themed movie, of necessity, you require a beautiful actress. Juxtapose that with fantasy movies like Lord of the Rings, whose cast is entirely peopled by actors who would frighten your common bridge troll.

The first magic movie of the year, The Illusionist (which I’ve not yet seen), stars Jessica Biel. The latest, The Prestige, features Scarlett Johansson, who is equally as easy on the eyes.

Overall, I thought The Prestige was entertaining, all except for the end. Fifteen minutes before closing, the big secret of the movie is alluded to. That allusion should have been sufficient. BUT THE MOVIE DOESN’T STOP THERE! It continues until explicitly showing that secret at the end. Very, very silly. Oh, and beware! You’ll see a hanging or two, some drownings, some shootings and chisel to the hand. English pop quiz: when referring to lynching in the past tense, which is correct: “we hanged him” or “we hung him?” What about when talking about a piece of clothing draped over a hook; do you say “I hanged it up” or “I hung it up?”

SPOILER ALERT! The movie shows a (fabled) Nikola Tesla machine that duplicates an item (living or not) to a nearby location via voltage sparks. The sight of all those artificial lightening bolts instantly transported me back to 9th grade American Fork Jr. High science class where I recall teacher Mr. Moon and his collection of Van de Graff generators, Jacob’s Ladders and Tesla coils. I remember the strange smell of ozone, the loud popping sound of breaking arcs and retrofitted, second-hand neon sign transformers.

The movie shows some of the real life battle between Mr. Thomas Alva Edison and Tesla. I’ll summarize. There are two competing forms of electricity: alternating current (AC) and direct current (DC). As it turns out AC is much better for power distribution. It’s easier to make generators that make AC, it’s easier to step up the voltage for sending over a wire and AC can be sent further through a wire than a similar DC voltage. The problem was that famed inventor Edison preferred DC, while enigmatic inventor and engineer, Nikola Tesla, reveled in AC.

History records Edison^* as more of a celebrity than an inventor. (Trying things 10,000 to find the right one, is not a lesson in persistence, it’s retarded. Instead of scouring the world for new things to light up, Edison should have gone to school, studied chemistry and electricity and then, based on an analysis, selected tungsten (initially carbonized thread) as the correct material.)

Edison threw his reputation and energies against defeating AC. Unfortunately for him, it was a battle he would ultimately lose. Still, Edison pushed for the first electrocution of a person (using AC) and caused all sorts of bad press for the harrowed Tesla (and his partner George Westinghouse). It was Edison’s hope that using AC to kill someone would cause consumers to fear. Who would want such dangerous power in their house, Edison thought.

Back to electrocution. Edison surreptitiously purchased an AC generator and then began to electrocute all manner of animals. He killed off scores of neighborhood stray cats and dogs, ultimately culminating with a circus elephant, before he proposed killing a person. That electrocution went poorly.

On August 6th, 1890, Harold Brown, an employee of Edison, brought an electric chair to New York’s Auburn Prison. William Kemmler (convicted of killing his wife with a hatchet) was strapped in and Edwin Davis, the state electrician threw the switch. But Kemmler did not die, he only struggled and smoked for a minute or so. The voltage was cut and the electrodes repositioned. Again, the power was applied to Kemmler. It took another minute before the prisoner finally died. Everyone agreed the sight was severely unpleasant to watch. Edison even coined the term “to Westinghouse” hoping that it would be used instead of “electrocution”. It never caught on, however.

There are many fascinating stories of invention. In particular, the next time we hang out, remind me to tell you about the invention of radar, microwave, Velcro, television, telephone and the telegraph. Did you know that the first fax was sent over telegraph wires by an Italian Monk in 1860?

* No, Edison didn’t invent the light bulb. In fact an Englishman (Swan) patented a carbon thread light bulb a full year before Edison “invented” it.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, a follow-up to the Curse of the Black Pearl, has been in theatres for a while, and if you saw the first one, you’ll agree this sequel is more of the same (but seven minutes longer).

Like Black Pearl, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) provides a comedic foil to Will Turner’s (Orlando Bloom) pouty and unsmiling performance. I’m told the ladies enjoying looking at Mr. Bloom, pouts notwithstanding. Personally, I think he would benefit from a little Prozac, Zoloft, or Paxil.

The movie is too long and not horribly spellbinding. Actually, it degraded to plain boring in some parts. On the upside, I did like the music, which I found to be powerful and majestic. Evidently, I’m not the only one who likes Disney pirate music. Scott Asbell, the director of the UVSC Ballroom Dance Company choreographed a dance medley based on music from the Black Pearl. That number won the team the Open British Formation Standard Division Championship in Blackpool, England.

I hate to be a spoiler, but the movie ends somewhat abruptly, paving the way for the third of the trilogy, the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, now filming.

Pirate jokes:
Q. Why didn’t the pirate go to see the movie?
A. Because it was rated aaarrrrrrrgggh!

Q. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
A. Aaarrrrrrrgggh

Oh! Don’t forget National Talk Like A Pirate Day, Tuesday, September 19th 2006.

Da Vinci Code — the movie based on the book of the same name by Dan Brown has been in the theatres for a while. I saw it a week ago.
My advice to the Catholic Church? Don’t waste your time trying to get the film banned; the movie itself will largely accomplish the same result for you. In two words, it sucked. You should know that I thought the book was well-written (from a literary point of view) and, for me, at least, it was quite the page turner. That’s not to say that I agreed with any of the book’s premises, that I much liked the mischievous way in which Brown mixed fact and fiction or that I support the cavalier manner in which Brown presented wacky theories as if they were mainstream.

The movie runs 2hr 29min, but it seems to be many-fold longer than that. It’s not particularly entertaining, and it contains disturbing images of albino male nudity, self-flagellation, a cilice (a barbed metal band around the upper leg) and Hieros gamos (a pagan sex ritual). Also, Tom Hank’s performance is flat and dull.

If there is a brighter side, I will admit I enjoyed hearing actors speaking French. In addition, I thought Audrey Tautou was the life of this otherwise dreary show, though maybe that’s because it’s hard not to have a weakness for an attractive woman with a French accent.

Are you in for a little code breaking yourself? Try your hands at a Da Vinci Code webquest (2)

As you can perhaps imagine, Opus Dei (maligned in both the book and the movie) is understandably a little upset

A. Dam

I just discovered that HBO, widely known as a purveyor of smut, has a righteous little sister, “HBO Family”, who produced a touching documentary about Tourette’s syndrome. The compelling story is told through vignettes featuring a dozen or so accomplished children afflicted with the disease. It’s probably one of the best-made short films I’ve seen in a while. A spoiler highlight– during the closing credits, they play Alicia Morton’s heart-warming rendition of “Tomorrow”, from the musical Annie. The DVD can be purchased for about $15.00 and I highly recommend it.

View a Clip Online Order the DVD from the Tourette Syndrome Association

If you keep abreast of current local events, you were no doubt aware of Paul Rusesabagina’s recent whirlwind tour throughout Utah. In one week alone, he was featured at Utah State University, Utah Valley State College and University of Utah. I was present at the latter venue.

Paul Rusesabagina is the hero portrayed in the film Hotel Rwanda. In that film (and in real life), Paul helped save more than 1,200 refugees by sheltering them in the Hôtel des Mille Collines, a large hotel in Kigali, the capital city of Rwanda. The year was 1994 and situation in Rwanda had reached the boiling point; Militant members of the Hutu tribe began committing genocide by the senseless slaughter of those from the Tutsi tribe. (As a historical framework, during French occupation, the Tutsi’s were largely placed in positions of leadership and as a consequence, when the French left, the Hutu profited from the power vacuum to seize control and enact revenge upon their old enemies.) A band of Tutsi rebels formed to resist the Hutu oppression, throwing the country into civil war.

During that perilous time, Paul, a Hutu himself, bribed the Hutu Interahamwe militia with money and beer to keep them from killing the refugees in the hotel. As the conflict raged on, food and water became scarce in the Hotel. As a last resort, the refugees began to use water from the Hotel swimming pool to survive. The civil war eventually ended. The 1,000,000 deaths were largely ignored by the rest of the world. Rwanda, like its neighbor Zaire, continues to struggle to this day.

The four star hotel continues to operate. It has 112 rooms, a bar/café, three conference rooms, a restaurant, and the now-famous swimming pool.

Clive Staples (”Jack”) Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, an epic masterpiece of the wartime adventures of two brothers and two sisters, is brought alive by the genius of the special effects masters over at Industrial Light and Magic.

The Walt Disney Pictures and Walden Media film opened December 9th, but I just managed to see it yesterday. In a sentence, I loved it.

Without a doubt, the cinematography was stunning — and the CG animation amazing (Aslan, the lion, was as near to life as I’ve ever seen in CG). But CG alone doesn’t make a movie; I saw Peter Jackson’s 2005 remake of King Kong on Friday and though some scenes were spectacular (for example, the dinosaur stampede), I wasn’t horribly impressed with the movie as a whole. Maybe my low rating of Kong derives from the movie’s length; the movie is wicked long; good thing I had my 72 hour kit or I would have perished. In fact, people are still finishing up the movie who went in on Dec 9th. Note to filmmakers: if you can’t cut it down to two hours, break your freaking movie into MULTIPLE films. [Stepping off my soap box. End of rant.]

Ok, back to Clive’s story. We have the Pevensie children, namely: Lucy, Edmund, Peter and Susan. Peter is the oldest and functions as a patriarch figure over the others (although he is somewhat harsh with Edmund). Lucy is the youngest and is the first to discover the wardrobe. She represents the innocent part of humanity. Susan is the calmest of them all and is a peacemaker. Edmund is the darker one of the family and is tempted by the White Witch through his physical appetites (food (Turkish Delight) and power (to have his brother as a servant)). Together the four children (sons of Adam and daughters of Eve) stand for all of us, and also, in particular, the different parts of each individual.

The White Witch. White is a good camouflage for her evil core. The twisted motif here is that of a classic antagonist with a facade of righteousness.

Are you surprised I used the word “righteousness?” The story is quite clearly a Christian allegory. In fact, it’s more than that, it’s also a parade of central Mormon doctrine. I don’t know how “Brother” CS Lewis did it, but he’s right on the money. Let’s explore:

The children are on a journey in Narnia. Edmund is a traitor (he goes to the Witch and gives her information about his family) and therefore, according to the rules of Narnia, his life belongs to the White Witch (as a sinner’s life is forfeit to Satan without the intervention of God). Fortunately for Edmund, Aslan, the powerful lion king sacrifices his life to save Edmund (and all others similarly situated). Aslan not only voluntarily gives up his life without fighting, but subjects himself to ridicule and humiliation (for instance, they shave his mane) in the process. The New Testament records similar actions by Jesus Christ who also gave his life in an ignominious fashion to save mankind. Along the children’s way, they are given protective armor (the armor of God) and are lead into a battle against the forces of darkness. Goodness prevails and the children reign as kings and queens forever.

Did you notice that the White Witch can’t kill anyone, she merely freezes them? The breath of God brings them back to life (or, in the movie, thaws them). In a similar vein, the bible talks of death as only a temporary state. “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (1 Corinthians 15:55 KJV)

There are lots of unfamiliar creatures in the movie, here are a few:

• Satyr: (Greek Mythology) — A creature with pointed ears, legs, and short horns of a goat
• Centaur: — A beast with the trunk of a man and the body and legs of a horse.
• Faun: (Roman Mythology) — A creature having the body of a man and the horns, ears, tail, and sometimes legs of a goat
• Minotaur: (Greek mythology) — A being with the head of a bull and the body of a man
• Griffon: A fabulous beast with the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion.

On a linguistic note, we don’t use the word wardrobe to refer to something that contains clothes anymore (the term has now come to mean the collection of clothes themselves, e.g. “I am going to choose an outfit from my wardrobe”. Some people have taken, instead, to using the French “armoire,” which reminds me of “chest of drawers,” which I used to think was “chester drawers” — but that’s another matter.

What I’m trying to say is that the Chronicles of Narnia is a very good movie.