If you run in any of the Salt Lake City soccer social circles, you’ve no doubt heard a lot of talk lately about the Critical Defects. Conversations have been abuzz with astonishment, speculation and praise.
I play on the Critical Defects indoor soccer team and if our rise to glory hasn’t been meteoric, without argument, the ascent has been rapid. Once a team to be derided and openly mocked; now we’re a force to be reckoned with. No longer an awkward crew of potbellied, uncoordinated computer programmers in oversized robin-blue shirts, we’ve become rock solid, near-professional soccer enthusiasts. As a testament to this, our last two games were a tie and a loss by three (7-7,10-7), and compared to our previous season, it’s clear that the Critical Defects are defects no longer!
To what can we attribute this new prowess? The twice-weekly practice sessions help. So does my motivational screaming when I’m off field. Mostly, however, we’ve managed to use the soccer games as outlets for our pent up rage and frustration. We feral computer scientists have had enough and are on the warpath. “Fight! Win! Die!” is our rallying cry before each match.
In a way it’s kind of sad, actually. We face individuals who have played soccer their entire lives. These guys were/are on high school and college teams. Imagine the ignominy as they are beaten up on by the Critical Defects, many of whose players have never played any sports (virtual sports not counting) their entire lives. It is comparable to the Russian National Chess Team being schooled in their game by a group of drunken toddlers. Oh the shame!
And this Monday we, ranked 3rd now, are up against the 7th placed team. We WILL win. Let the betting begin! (Unless sports betting is illegal in your area.)
Thanks jstroup for the photo!