Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings

Everyone remembers those nifty Polaroid cameras that produced an instant square picture (well, after a minute of “shak[ing] it like a Polaroid picture.”) Those cameras were a novelty indeed, but the Polaroid company failed to enter the digital camera market in time, and like most companies who don’t capitalize on new opportunities, Polaroid died. More specifically, ‘On October 11, 2001, Polaroid Corporation filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Almost all the company’s assets (including the “Polaroid” name itself) were sold to a subsidiary of Bank One. They went on to form a new company, which also operates under the name “Polaroid Corporation”. It continues to sell Polaroid-branded products and has extensively licensed the name to other companies.’

What this means to you is that Walmart, and other purveyors of low-quality electronics, now sell Polaroid-branded cheap Chinese imports like LCDs, plasma televisions and portable DVD players. The idea is that you’ll recognize the Polaroid brand and buy the inferior garbage without much inspection or review. Not content with prostituting the name solely to hardware manufacturers, the Polaroid shell company has now begun licensing its name to software vendors. Just tonight I clicked past an infomercial for a Polaroid scrap-booking program.

Don’t be fooled. Polaroid is dead. Any products now baring that name should be evaluated on their merits alone. You’ll not get any guarantee of quality by choosing a familiar name. In fact, the contrary is likely true.

As a part-time artist, it should come as no surprise to others that I was browsing through the craft section of a megastore just the other day. Passing over the paints and brushes, the wooden cut-outs and magic markers, I spotted Kids Kreations’ All Purpose Plaster of Paris. “Awesome,” I thought out loud, “just what I need for my next project.” I turned the product over to skim the instructions when a large warning label caught my eye. It read:

WARNING:

When mixed with water plaster hardens and becomes hot. Do not submerge any body parts into the plaster as severe burns may result. When plaster is being mixed, dust may cause irritation to eyes, nose, throat or upper respiratory system. If eye contact occurs, flush particles from eye with water. Do not take internally. Call a physician immediate if ingested. Children should not use this product except under adult supervision. Warning: This product contains crystalline silica, known to the state of California to cause cancer.

Many things in this warning merit further review. In case you missed them, I’ll summarize and enumerate the salient problems of this vile substance for you:

1. 1. It gets hot. BURNING hot. (Yet, in the application section it lists “Hand prints” as a fun activity idea.)
2. 2. The dust will BURN your eyes and scorch your respiratory system
3. 3. The plaster is likely POISONOUS. Good thing kids NEVER eat stuff they play with…
4. 4. Even with the name “Kids Kreations,” this toxin is NOT child friendly.
5. 5. PLASTER OF PARIS CAUSES CANCER, (at least in California)

And yet, there it was, sitting on the store shelf, ready to attack the next unsuspecting artist with burns and irritation and cancer. Sometimes the most innocuous substances are the most virulent.